


Leaves With Holes

by vajallie



Category: Naruto
Genre: AU, Angst, F/M, Hyuuga Neji Lives, Stubborn Idiots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:01:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26001586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vajallie/pseuds/vajallie
Summary: Tenten believed she would do just fine if Neji were to die in the War. She was determined to live her life to the fullest in spite of him if he were to die. But now that he's alive, Tenten is adamant about living for herself. Despite her feelings being thrown astray, his short kiss which proceeded after his untimely confession makes her wonder if she really can live without him.
Relationships: Hyuuga Neji/Tenten
Comments: 6
Kudos: 28





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a short story for NejiTenMonth2020! A couple of chapters :)

The signs were obvious. All of their conversations, their sparse words shared unevenly, time teetering unequally on the subject of their prominent future, he always spoke the most. Yet, he spoke so unintelligently for a genius at the age of seventeen. A Jounin of one of the highest ranks speaks of personal achievements so incoherently. The subjects didn't match, they were never even threaded by a single hair. Whenever Tenten asked him what he'd do in the future, there was never just him in his mouth. His cousin was there too.

His cousin sat at the tip of his tongue. She was always at the forefront of his future. But, all that Tenten wanted to ask was what he'd want to do for the rest of his life. Over and over again, through those scattered conversations within her memories, he'd always conclude on one thing. He must protect his cousin. His father's last instructions for him was to protect her. It was why he must do it.

And so what fate did he truly learn from Naruto? Tenten pondered this question through and through. On nights where the atmosphere was unkind, she'd bundle herself up and ponder what Neji truly learned from his fight with Naruto. And whenever there was time to spare, where the mechanics of her mind were frozen dull with not even a task for her to do, she'd wonder what her comrade truly learned. Neji said the blonde boy had freed him of his fate, that, in a way, the solution to escaping one's fate was to go against all odds and fight it. By the look of his calmed white eyes when he said words along these lines, it looked like he truly believed in it.

Yet, Tenten couldn't understand it. She couldn't see him fighting his fate, let alone anything of that grandeur.

Neji once said his fate was to be caged with no chance of escaping his curse mark. His duties were tied to the main branch for as long as he lived. And to die, that was his only freedom.

Again, he was so sure he was fighting his battle with fate. He believed he was winning. However, Tenten didn't see it.

Uttering "Hinata-sama" was the easiest telltale sign of his delusion. Nothing had changed, perhaps he wanted nothing to change. Perhaps he was fighting small battles his own way. But that, that was not Neji-like at all. Or maybe it was? How could Tenten know a single thing? After all, she was an outsider trying to understand his familial matters. He had warned her several times not to partake in discussions regarding anything "Hyuuga". That in itself was a shield, a final blindfold he'd put on himself to dissuade whatever beliefs of his fate he had. In his mind, that was the route to take. But to Tenten, he was deluded. She didn't need any special kind of kekkei genkai to see it.

Those eyes of his' couldn't see a losing battle with himself. To be confined to customs, the same customs that branded him that curse mark, to uphold the status of his cousin as if it was a moral deed he cannot bend, he was simply acting like a stuck up idiot for a genius. If Tenten was him, she'd go through any means to remove the curse mark and rewrite her own story.

And when those projectiles embedded themselves in his body, when he breathed his last breath and ceased to live, Tenten learned that mourning for him was the most she could do. She could finally bless him with millenniums of peace and freedom. It would be what he wanted.

That was until she discovered that he lived. After leaving his body to grow cold alone on the battlefield, she no longer kept him in the back of her mind until the war ended. And when it did end, joyous news spread that the Hyuuga Neji was brought back to life. She discovered that he lived, but at the cost of his freedom. She wondered if it would do him any good.

To mourn for the living wouldn't be wise, although it fitted him well. He learned not a single thing about life nor death. His blind will to walk the path fate carved for him and to disguise this trek as a detour was laughable, arguably childish and sorrowful for a bird with broken wings. Tenten believed he should have stayed dead so that she could mourn for him correctly. But he lived, he lived and she discovered that there was no more use in asking him about his future.

They all returned home to their village calamity. She was happy that his life was spared, but a part of her knew his suffering would only continue.

* * *

From comrade to comrade, she had overstepped her boundaries and voiced her nonsensical stance on his issues onto him some time before the war occurred. All of these words and these pent up anger, she cast horrifying curses filled with irregular emotions to him. In the case that she'd never make it alive to tell him these vile words, she bombarded him with her own illusion of his fate. All but except one.

Tenten worried and tripped over his demise again and again because of one pesky little feeling. She was afraid her idol would collapse in shambles when the realities of his fate presented themselves to him. She worried he'd continue walking a rope of lies built from his own head. Although she did not know what went on in his clan, sometimes an outsider's views were more enlightening than the participant itself. Also, it was because that pesky little feeling kept urging her to make herself clear.

She liked him. Despite him being quite stoic and stuck-up, those times when his shell would falter and show a little human struggling to live up to his surname made her admire him. Tenten loved those parts of him when one ounce of a kind gesture was offered. Sometimes it would be caving under her constant nags to stop and rest. Other times it would be a simple exchange of words like pleasantries and gratitudes.

But this little pesky feeling was undermined. It shouldn't be said because it brought no use at the brink of war. And now that Neji lived, it was even more useless than before.

Useless. Despite telling him his vision of his fate was skewed, he still went to protect his cousin. It only showed Tenten that his way was the only way of thinking. That boy would not falter nor heed advice from anyone but himself.

Sadly, Tenten lived to witness his survival. She truly wished she shouldn't have fought so hard.

As expected, Neji still coddled to his clan's needs. He continued to walk the path fate laid out for him just as Tenten suspected. Telling him that she cared for him and loved him and wanted to do many things with him wouldn't have made a difference in the war. Tenten knew who was at the forefront and that person wasn't her. It would never be her.


	2. The Doorbell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Working on chapter 5 at the moment. Shall update chapters day by day until I catch up with myself! Enjoy!

Self-realization wasn't a grand epiphany that Tenten experienced after discovering that he lived. She was more concerned with the execution of utilizing this realization to change herself. Should she worry about being confronted by him? Or should she do anything and everything in her power to cut off this thorn that's making her skin bleed?

Tenten hadn't the time to think about it after being given a new assignment from their new Hokage. Coupled with having to move whatever belonging of hers that was left of the carnage of the war into her new home gave no leeway to sparing time for herself. Her new place had moved several blocks from where she used to live. She was now farther from the Hyuuga compound and farther from Lee and their teacher coincidentally.

Tenten shattered her doorbell and rendered it mute before she left her apartment. It was by accident that she slammed her scroll directly on it when she started moving her items in. Her lack of improvisation plus reduced time to make her new home as homey as she could, caused her to temporarily hook the shell of the bell button back into place.

She smacked her lips and stared at the broken little piece of a thing. She was not impressed by its fragility. Tenten took a deep breath and sighed. She looked out to the sun surfacing high above her. The weather was becoming hot. The impending celebration would soon consume and swallow the village over. Still, there was not enough time to digest the calamity of the war. Her village wanted to paint the war off as beautifully as it could. And in order to do so, like many, Tenten must embark on a mission to have it done. She closed her door and set off to the front of the village gates. She had been tasked to man the assignment alone.

* * *

Neji only saw his comrades once and that was on the battlefield after reawakening from his partial death. Beyond that, they never appeared in his hospital room since. His uncle visited him plenty and so did his cousins.

However, at the end of the day when the red sunset glowed past his window and turned everything dark, Neji was left to recuperate in silence.

Time was abundant at these hours. His mind wouldn't rest and his memories wouldn't stop flashing before his eyes. Through the spectator's window on the hospital door, if anyone was watching, they might expect a shell of a ghost staring right back at them. Neji kept his eyes on it constantly. He wondered why his comrades hadn't come to see him. It was his second week lying in bed.

When he was discharged, his family accompanied him home. Still, his comrades were nowhere to be seen. A part of him wondered if his memory of seeing them after awakening from death was just an illusion. Neji wanted to ask where they had gone but he did not know who to ask. He had learned that his teacher was in intensive care and would continue being watched for the next few weeks. His cousin told him she would be leaving soon for an assignment. Soon, it would be just his uncle and little Hanabi. Neji walked through the door of his clan's newly built compound in silence. He wondered when his assignment would be.

A white week passed. There was nothing of importance for him to do. His uncle told him he needed to recuperate.

Their new Hokage hadn't called for him. Neji felt as if this was purgatory itself. He was a tool to be used. It was not as if he was a broken one. He was even more healthy than he was prior to the war. And yet, he never received a mission to partake.

The blue days passed with the routine settling in. In the morning, he'd meditate and lightly spar with his uncle or clan members. At noon, he'd eat. And for every minute after, he'd sit like a frog in a well by the veranda of his chambers and ponder the instances that had passed by.

It was the longest time that he'd gone not interacting with Lee, Tenten, and their teacher. Neji began to reminisce those days running laps from dawn to dusk with them. Somehow, he forgot how strong Lee's punches and kicks were. He couldn't hear his teacher's hearty laugh anymore.

However, his faded memories of those two green beasts worried him the least compared to Tenten. He couldn't remember how she looked when he cracked his tired eyes to find her amidst being brought back to life. He couldn't recall how she looked before the war when they spoke impromptu. But in the instance of that unplanned conversation, Neji knew she was angry. The words that filled her mouth were menacing. And though he couldn't recall her expression despite staring straight into her eyes on that day, Neji knew he recognized this tone. She was angry, yes, but he knew that underlying it all, she was perturbed because of him. No longer was her words half-baked and unprepared. Unlike all those times they brushed against this topic of his clan, she seemed to have memorized every word she wanted to say regarding it this time. Neji couldn't recall a sweat on her face, but he remembered every word that she said to him before the war.

Those words echo in his ears whenever it was a red evening. It was always when the sky was this color that her words rang loudly. It then piqued his mind that they conversed on this topic whilst the sun was setting down.

Neji hadn't seen Tenten in a while. He knew she was being assigned missions back to back. He couldn't make sense of why he wasn't on the roster of active shinobi. The anxiety at the apex of his heart was beginning to tremble through his limbs as the sun went down for the ninth time. Back then when Tenten uttered her opinion on his familial matters, it did not bother him whatsoever. But now, with her seemingly gone like the seasons and leaving him with the bitter taste of their friendship, Neji had allowed uneasiness to crowd his 'once' lucid thoughts. A deep shudder resonated through his core like the scrape of a bass violin at the lowest of its timbre.

Why was she right?

It was because she wasn't carrying the might of the Hyuuga's name. Neji's pride belonged to one of Konoha's oldest and, in a way, strongest clan. He too, was the clan's pride himself.

Somehow, in his fight to battle fate, he seemingly lost his way and gave in to destiny itself. As a bearer of the curse mark, there was nothing he could do under the scrutiny of the main branch. As long as this curse was marked on him, he'd remain bound to his duties. Neji knew long ago that he was powerless in fighting this form of fate. It was why he chose to die not by the hands of his clansmen, but by his own decision.

Yet somehow, his death, as short as it was, was unsatisfactory even to him. If he was unhappy with his own death upon thinking about its circumstances, Tenten would probably be fuming with enough steam to power the nation herself.

Upon dusk arriving, he brought himself to his feet. Neji rejected dinner and headed out of the Hyuuga compound. It was time to stop confining himself in his cage when the birdcage door was wide open.

Lee and Tenten weren't in the village and Neji did not want to travel far. He didn't want to step outside of the village gates and thus opted to pay a visit to his former teacher, now perhaps a retired squad leader.

The first thing the aging man did was give him a hearty chuckle. The man was bedridden. Neji sat beside his bed as they caught up to things, meandering around the ballpark of life and death.

"The world continued moving on. If we died during battle, we wouldn't live to see everyone flourish," his teacher spoke with a pint of sorrow in his throat.

Neji refused to understand his teacher's feelings. What would he know about losing the life of a student? "We could only hope," he said generically.

"That's right."

"But nothing has changed," Neji attuned. He turned to face the window bearing the night sky. "We could only hope that they'd flourish, but shinobi across the land have been thinned. Tools of war have been sent on missions without rest. We could only hope that they'd make use of their survival in the war, but we don't even know if they'd make it back home now. What use is it to live if we're to die the next?"

"Neji," Gai stared at his student's back. The boy with long hair had grown a whole lot whilst he gave his time to his favorite student. Despair and regret filled Gai's chest. "Life is precious. We all must live our lives to the fullest."

A shooting star whizzed past him and disappeared into the moon. Neji held breath in his lungs, "The current state of affairs would never allow that. Shinobi fought to survive today. We're not living, we're merely doing what we can to survive."

"Don't look at things bleakly, Neji. We've passed this obstacle once before. It sounds like you've reverted back to your old self."

"Many nights have gone by and I have thought about my fate," Neji's chest wrangled up. "I've come to realize that putting my faith in someone like Naruto, believing in his words was all just a setback. I see now that I was right all along. I can never change my fate just as Naruto couldn't. But even before that, I did nothing to alter my path and deluded myself into thinking I'm changing my clan. Truthfully, I haven't done a single thing. I could have died thinking I made the right choice to sacrifice myself. I should've died believing I changed my own fate-"

"You promised me never to look back on these things, Neji. You told me there will never be another day where you'd succumb to this nonsense."

"Nonsense or not, there is no way out of this curse mark, Gai-sensei. I've been sitting at a dead-end for this long and I still don't know what to do." Neji's breath mildly fogged the cold window. In it, he saw his own reflection staring back at him.

"In the end, all of our fate is the same. We all die regardless of what choices we make. You shouldn't be hellbent on the prominence of the end. That will get you nowhere, Neji."

"What do you mean?"

"Sometimes, fate isn't just about immovable death. You and I both know we'll perish at any time. You shouldn't keep your eyes focused on the endpoint. Choosing how we die means nothing because when we cease to live, we'll never experience the aftereffects of our importance. This isn't the way to make our choices. We can never justify our deaths with our last breaths. We will always regret every single part leading up to our demise." Gai paused, staring out to the same window but seeing only a blur. "Neji, the path you take towards death is more important. Even if you cannot escape your curse mark, you must find any means to make you believe you have. This is the path that keeps people living. They don't survive just to see the next day. They do what they can to live so that the next morning, they'll see people precious to them, people, who keep their will to live strong. It is this will that compels the living to fight despite knowing that one day there will be death." Gai's jaw tightens and he turns away from his pupil. "When you're dead, you'd never know what the living does next. When you fell in Lee's arms, he cried until the mountains heard him. Only the belief that your will of fire will live amongst us all kept him fighting for the future. Do not forfeit your will to live. As you said, there are more lives hanging upon Naruto. You cannot die yet. You carry other people's lives on your shoulders including mine."

Neji's eyes falter and his breath expelled shallowly and rapidly. His hands curled into fists until his knuckles resembled the color snow. "That may be so, but so far, it feels as if there's nothing on my shoulders with the exception of my family and you." He turned to his teacher and met his eyes. The aging man's hearty laugh was all but a bygone. "The two people I care about may be gone temporarily, but it feels as though I've vanished from their memories. I expected their lives to hang upon mine, but it seemed I was reaching far beyond my thoughts."

Gai snickered and grinned. "I know you three can't go a single day without the power of youth! But with Konoha recovering and undergoing construction, Lee and Tenten can't be here."

"Have they visited you?" Neji asks out of curiosity.

"Sparsely, whenever they return from their assignments. But mostly, Lee. He wanted to visit you many times but spent his able hours tending to me instead."

Should Neji ask about her at all? What was her excuse for not visiting him?

"And Tenten, well. I rarely see her. My beautiful blooming flower's exceptional skills are in high demand. It looks like we won't be seeing her anytime soon."

It was her sealing capabilities that they needed. Neji came to learn from his teacher that she visited him once earlier last month. His teacher told him where they all now resided. He was told she complained about her backaches and bruised fingers. He was told she even showed their teacher her bandaged fingers from biting them in order to summon her needed arsenals. From what he was told, it looked like Tenten hadn't changed. Neji would like to think she didn't, but a large portion of him knew they no longer resembled the same people from before the war.

The night was not over. Neji walked the dirt road in his layered kimono in hopes of catching his comrades returning home. The chances were as slim as a toothpick but he made that excuse anyway. He did not want to return home yet.

Passing by Lee's new apartment, he tilted his head up to the friend's window. It was dark and there was not a single soul from within that he could feel. It was quiet, even the streets had gone grim. Neji did not linger for long. His feet chiseled the dirt and he continued walking.

Neji did not tell his teacher that his regression into his former ways of thinking was Tenten's doing. When it came to her and him, he found it best to conceal everything done and said between them despite it being so minimal. Neji walked a winding path to her new residence. He supposed he should outline the things he wanted to say to her too. That is, if he ever found the courage to admit his defeat and that she was correct.

Tenten was, in a way, a charm to him. Through their three or four years of friendship and comradery, he found solace in her.

In the beginning, there wasn't much she could offer but an ear. Out of Lee, their teacher, and Tenten, she understood him most. She almost always stood as his shadow, listening to his problems as the seasons came and went. The days would turn to nights and the shadows would grow. Still, she listened. She was the person he could trust his secrets to, although he never told her any secrets. Regardless if his decisions weren't the best, she'd reason for him against others.

Before he could admit finding comfort in a friend, she already became a part of his shadow, an extension of his invulnerability, his charm.

Tenten wasn't a strong person from the beginning. After all, she was just a petite woman with nimble fingers and a keen eye. She would never amount to anything of her greatest idol, Lady Tsunade. Strength wasn't her forte; Tenten suited strategies and tactics most. She complained too, perhaps overzealously at times to which Neji must crawl under and give in. But despite her flaws, she had become one of the closest people he'd let around himself. She was his consolation in secrecy.

Neji believed if Tenten wanted to speak about herself, she would and so he'd never ask. And now that she's absent from him with all the things he told her about himself, it was as if she had taken a part of him along with her disappearance.

At the base of Tenten's apartment, Neji found a bright white fluorescent light bleed through the blinds of her window. His heart solidified and his thoughts cemented. He wanted to speak with her if she was available. One foot after the other, he climbed the stairs.

Tenten always had a superstition that her good luck would increase if she lived in any building higher than a story tall. Climbing the stairs, Neji wondered why she chose this tenement. There were plenty of others that fit her requirements. Her last residence placed her right above the first floor. This time, Neji walked four flights of stairs until he reached her apartment. She had doubled her distance from the ground, residing at the top of this structure. He could only deduce that she wanted more luck.

Neji stared at the white fluorescent light escaping the curtain of her window. His heart was still, beating slowly. His index finger poked from his long-sleeve and reached for the doorbell. He wanted to resolve their misunderstandings. She was his one-sided charm after all. He couldn't afford to lose a precious friend.

There was no sound echoing from the other side of the door. The doorbell was in his palm; it had easily fallen. The phantom sound of a kunai hitting a target board shaken him. It brought him back to when they were fifteen:

_On the training field, she was target practicing. Lee and Tenten finally agreed to share their addresses in the case that the bird informant couldn't reach one of them. The 'thunk' of the kunai never stopped until it hit the bullseye above Neji's head. It was only then that her smile formed on her lips and she glanced down to meet his eyes before they strayed to Lee's._

" _Pray thee spare my door your knuckles," she eyed the short-haired man seriously._

" _Huh?" Lee was taken aback. "Why are you speaking like that?"_

_She waved her last kunai toward the genius, "Neji would get it. You speak just like that, don't you?"_

" _I do not."_

_She then chuckled, "I said, knock on my door over my dead body! Don't you guys know about that superstition?"_

" _What superstition?" Lee asked._

Neji brushed her off as a lunatic back then for her explanation. But now, it was instilling insurmountable fear in his body.

" _They said knocking someone's front door is akin to knocking a coffin. You see, when we die, a coffin is our final resting place! Knocking the door disturbs the peace in the home. If my doorbell ever breaks, which will never happen, I'd rather you shout my name than knock!"_

Could it be an omen? Neji stared at the broken piece in his palm. He scavenged the recesses of his mind for any recounting of an omen tied to this doorbell, albeit, her trivial doorbell. Nothing came to mind. Yet still, Neji wondered if she was at all safe or even alive.

" _Over my dead body!"_

"Tenten," his frozen lips parted slightly just to expel the slightest breath of her name. _My shadow._ Neji's eyes widened and he gripped the piece tightly.

" _I'd rather you shout my name"_

"Tenten," he said sternly. The nuances of his intonation were filled with presence and command. He would not leave without an answer. Urgently, he called to her again, "Tenten!"

"Neji?"

Neji spun his head around to the corner of the building where he came from. Arriving at the stairs was Tenten. His friend was not in her home? With her presented before him, he cowardly hid the doorbell piece with the length of his long sleeve, swallowing his fist whole. He looked at her like a frightened cat.

"What are you doing here?"


	3. To Gain Everything Except One

"Why is my light on?" Tenten asked him. She even asked herself. "Did I seriously leave it on for two whole weeks?!" She inched closer to her door whilst frustration at herself materialized. It was when she unlocked her door did she turn back to Neji fully, "Why are you here?" she asked him, "at this hour?" she added.

The pale-looking boy stared at her with even paler eyes. For a few seconds, she believed he'd turn and walk away without any explanation. But he spoke, "I didn't expect to see you here tonight."

She frowned, "Well this is my home, odds are 100% that anyone would see me here. What are you here for?"

"I believe we are past due for a conversation. But it seems you are fatigued tonight, I will seek you out another day. Goodnight," just like that, he began to make his way from her.

Tenten hesitated to go after him and ask what they'd talk about. She had her own few words to say to him too after many days and nights forming them carefully. Tenten turned back around and entered her home. Her accumulated stench from the mission would soon devour the atmosphere of her place if she'd to stand and do nothing. She began on the bath immediately. Fuming over her electricity bill would have to come later.

She'd be lying if she said she wasn't petrified when she heard his voice call her name. Although their separation was short, she had forgotten how her name rolled off his tongue. If he was anyone else, if he wasn't the person she admired the most, if not for the fact that she held him dearly in her heart, she wouldn't have cared nor bothered to distinguish the way he said her name from others. Hearing it again was nostalgic. And though her body begged her to close her eyes to sleep, his voice kept repeating in her mind and keeping her awake. It was almost haunting at how many times him calling her name replayed in her head. Tenten kept the cries of his voice echoing in her ears until she passed out. She didn't think once about what he wanted to talk about.

Tenten awoke in midday. Every cell in her body ached when she rolled to face her balcony windows curtained by white fabric. Almost instantly, she recalled her brush with Neji yesternight. Tenten then tried and failed to remember the way he called her name. It was as if her exhaustion had chased his voice from her memories. It then dawned on her that he was there to converse. If he were to come today to have it done, would she be able to summon the strength to tell him her own accumulating thoughts? Tenten sprung up from her bed and headed to the bathroom to refresh herself. Whether it be today or not, she must be ready to stand firm and tell him.

It was still useless to confess a stringy love story to him. By now, with how he hadn't grown nor shown a sense of development even after she pointed out the obviousness of the false illusion of his fate, or his false escape from it, Tenten didn't need to bring up such a confession. It would only make her confused.

She wanted to say it as clearly as possible. She would no longer allow their paths to intersect. Tenten found it unbearable to see him the same after he pulled off that noble stunt he did in the war. Neji was willing to die the way fate had written out his life for him. There was no amount of coercion on her part to change that aspect of him. Because of his stubborn selfishness, it would only hurt her to no end. Tenten had decided she wouldn't participate and observe him flying to the Hyuuga's guillotine. She had to make it clear that being on his side no longer benefitted him nor her.

Tenten pondered their friendship and if it would crumble. She could only hope that they'd both be mature enough to work alongside one another without any hinges. As for her insignificant feelings for a half-dead boy, she prayed that time would chase her lingering heartaches away.

* * *

Neji held the broken doorbell piece in his palm. Here was his excuse to seek her out before another mission got to her.

When the sun rose and the palpable summer heat began to settle in, he too, made his way out of his compound. However, the prospect of meeting his friend was stopped short when he encountered his cousin. Again, Neji hid the doorbell piece in his sleeve.

"My father wanted to speak to you but an urgent meeting came up. He wanted me to have you wait at our compound this morning." Hinata meekly met her cousin's eyes as a draft flew around them. "Will you come?"

He felt nothing now that time had flown by and allowed him to witness the outcome of his minor sacrifice. Frankly, he found that it was not worth it. Neji knew regretting the past was pointless and thus never said a word. Protecting Hinata was his duty and he had met the requirements. Still, there was no sense of achievement. Tenten said it herself back then: he was still walking on the path fate carved out for him.

As the sun beamed warm rays, they both took shelter in the welcome room. Hinata offered him tea to which he accepted. Neji held the teacup in his hands but refused to bring it to his lips. He only let it warm his fingers before it ran cold.

Hinata sat across from him, letting silence fill in the air. She'd yet to thank him for his sacrifice but this feeling of hers knew he wouldn't take her gratitude with open arms. She had done plenty of wrong in her life, one being the most selfish of the three of them, Hanabi included. Always, she put Naruto first, inherently placing herself in danger and letting others fend for her.

Hinata shifted in her position and took in a deep breath. She blew it out quietly before raising her head to meet her cousin's dead orbs. "Neji-niisan, you've completed your duties."

Neji stared at her with the slightest blink, "I'm not following."

"I'm relieving you of your duties to me," she said with a small simper, "I truly mean it. You've done enough for me."

"I know how much I've done for you and it was more than enough. I am not going to die for you a second time," Neji told her monotonously. "I can no longer be selfless to you. I've decided, through several nights pondering our future as a family, that I don't belong here. My request to you is to lead your life quietly."

Hinata's brows furrowed, not making sense of the meaning of Neji's words. "Are you going somewhere?"

"Who's going somewhere?" Hiashi announced his arrival. Hinata spun her head toward her father. She was promptly excused with one single nod.

Hiashi took his time to situate himself before his nephew. There was an abundance of great news bestowed to his nephew. But seeing how unusual the boy had been acting these past few days, Hiashi knew he must choose his words wisely. Their blood may be carrying the same genes, but it seemed as though his nephew had ascended into a completely different person from before. The old callous nature that once resided deep in his nephew's heart had resurfaced and malformed into a new resentment. There was no predicting his nephew's thoughts or movements with those eyes.

"Neji-"

"Give me my father's estate," Neji requested directly. "You forbade me from living where I grew up the moment my mother passed away. Here, my hatred grew for you and extended unfairly toward my cousins. And although I've tried to make amends these past few years, I've come to realize that I am only making you and my cousins happy. It did not satisfy me to learn that I am nowhere near my freedom so long as I keep myself attached by your ankles, uncle. I believe I have stayed past my dues with you. I see now that my freedom is what I make it to be and it is not here within the confines of the clan. I wish to return to my home far away from the former duties implicated onto me."

It was akin to slapping Hiashi in the face. Regarding the estate, the aging man knew long ago that he would return it back to his nephew as a gift for when the young man reached the marriageable age. He just did not calculate that his nephew would personally ask for the estate back especially at this time. Hiashi's heart rested uneasily.

"Neji," Hiashi affirmed, "your father's estate is another matter of its own. For now, the clan has acknowledged your dedication to the clan and strength at full capacity. They've agreed to allow you to participate as a competitor for my position."

"I don't wish to repeat myself, uncle," Neji made himself clear. There was not a single knot in his stomach with every word he said. His eyes remained glossy and fixated on the cold tea in his hands.

Hiashi studied the unmoving expression of his nephew, finding no spark of life whatsoever. His confidence in breaking the spell his nephew was under lowered. "Neji, I don't understand you. Isn't what Uzumaki Naruto said what you wanted? Didn't you want to change the Hyuuga? Your chance is here and yet you've paid no mind to it."

Neji blinked dully. His lips rested fully. His uncle's words strummed no part of his heart. Since when did he want to personally change his clan? The memories from within his mind couldn't recall a single time he put those words in his mouth. The closest that came to these words came from someone else's mouth: Uzumaki Naruto's. It was here that Neji recalled where he put his faith in Naruto. He truly believed the child of prophecy would change the Hyuuga ways. That was until he realized he couldn't have been able to live to see it.

"That wasn't my dream," Neji's eyes remained unfocused on his uncle. "I never envisioned myself fixing the wrongs of this clan. That was what Naruto wanted. That was his dream. But in the end, he forced these words onto me."

"Neji, the Hyuuga clan sees its future with you at its head. Surely, this route can't be far from your own dream-"

"I didn't have a dream in the first place, uncle. As for the clan, it is a fallacy to say that change can only be achieved with me. The ways of the clan could've changed even with you. But it didn't. Although you've resolved my misunderstandings of my father's death, you've done nothing to lessen the burden on my shoulders when you could have far, far earlier."

The grimace on his uncle's face would have caused the heavens to strike Neji on the spot for implementing blame. However, the young man was too heartless to care,

"The little hope I had for you to lift this curse mark from me is now gone. If you truly loved me as a memoir to my father, you would've done everything in your means to remove it when I was young. But now, I've come to realize that there can be no change unless there is a want for meaning to push for a new revolution. In me, uncle, there is no such thing as meaning. I've no reason to be the pawn for the clan to push their agenda of development. If you wanted change, you could've raised me with the notions of reinventing the clan. However, I've grown too accustomed to the ways of the branch family. This is what separates our family. Our unity was never complete because you failed to abolish this system that plagued me. Therefore, please grant me my wish. The entirety of the Hyuuga estate has been collecting monies from its smaller compounds in order to rebuild my father's home structure due to the disasters of the war. You've done enough to keep my home vacant for me. I am indebted to your hospitality but I believe I've paid my dues by trading my life for your daughter."

"You must've wanted to say these things long ago," Hiashi reasoned. He shut his eyes briefly to collect his thoughts as well as his nephew's. "I fear you will regret this decision, Neji. I will give you some time to think it over."

"If I was dead, there wouldn't be time given to think over who should take over the head of the main family. Had I remained dead, would you even bow as low as you are now to consider a mere branch member?" Neji set the teacup on the tray and finally locked his eyes with his uncle. "I have a feeling you'd keep at it with the clan's tradition until the new times catch up. I suppose you'd smile even brighter now that a mouth to be fed is now gone." He stood up to his feet and turned to the opened doors, "I implore you to bestow what's left of my family to me. If you'll excuse me, I must head out."

"Very well," Hiashi called just as his nephew stepped out of the room. "I will give you your father's estate. But," the old man bit his inner cheek and basked in the darkness of closed eyes, "your eligibility remains intact."

The only way to look is forward. Neji's desires remained unwavering. _Next, I'm going to you Tenten._

* * *

Just as Tenten placed the last plate on the dishrack, she heard a knock at her door. She stiffened up and spun toward it. _What in the hell?_ "Knocking is forbidden!" She yanked the door open to find a fellow shinobi instead of her anticipated comrade, Neji.

"I'm sorry, Tenten-chan, there was no doorbell."

"No doorbell?" Tenten glanced down and found the piece she hung missing. She was flabbergasted. "I- forgot about that."

"The Land of Waves requires your assistance immediately. Their method of transporting lumber has broken down forty-six kilometers from Konoha. We urgently need these lumber in supply. It seemed the hawk had missed you and it is why I am here."

Tenten gave him a nod. She did not think twice about staying. Her conversation with Neji would have to wait. Tenten grabbed her lengthy scroll and headed out the door.

The task was an easy one. Before evening arrived, Tenten was already back in Konoha. But with the movement of goods at a constant, her mission prolonged until nightfall. And when the night passed, another assignment sprung up for her. It was then that she knew this would be another round of village-hopping. She prayed that this time it would end sooner than before.

Ultimately, Tenten bathed in the shades of trees and the surfaces of bodies of waters. She counted the number of suns rising and falling. When the neverending nights came, she forgot about the days that had passed since Neji visited her. With her one-day mission extending to weeks, her pillow had lost its scent since she left on that midday. Her beds soon became the skyrocketing tree branches, tree stumps, the cool summer ground, and more. Still, in the recesses of her mind, she constantly used the day of their long-awaited talk as a means to push on forward.

However, her hope to meet him again kept being postponed onto no end. The weeks turned into months and the months added up to more than a year. Her feet hadn't stepped in Konoha in 372 days. She had missed her birthday celebration along with her friends'.

Alas, the hawk that held her Hokage's orders sent the last of its assignment. Tenten rolled the tiny slip of paper between her fingers and a tired smile graced her chapped lips. She was due to return home. Tenten spent her last night away from her homeland in the stormy rain. Without time to waste, she sped toward home.

Presenting herself to the Hokage, Tenten discovered that it was not only her who had been subjected to conditions of her lengthened isolation from Konoha. Beside her stood her own comrade, Lee, Sai, and Shino, all with different tasks to uphold.

While they were running maniacally outside the village gates, the Hokage explained that the rest of their squadron had worked equally hard to rebuild internally from the disasters of the war. And with reparations nearing its finality, the people of Konoha had chosen an auspicious date to celebrate the completion of their new village in the upcoming week. By hammering the last nail onto the board of the village's largest bridge, a new era of peace would begin with the season of Spring.

It all sounded pleasant to Tenten's ears but all that she wanted to do was to melt into her bed. She was sore and half-hallucinating due to insufficient hours of sleep. After hearing of their compensation, Tenten did not bother to chat with Lee for too long. She headed straight home.

Upon rounding the corner of her house, Tenten recalled her doorbell missing. What else was missing was the absence of Neji greeting her tonight. She remembered being stunned to meet him on that day calling her name so intricately. However now, she could no longer remember his voice or how he said it. _Does he know that I'm back?_ Tenten dragged her lazy feet to her door and fiddled with it until it unlocked. "Thankfully, I turned all the lights off."

Tenten clicked the door closed and stared at several of her unopened boxes. She was relieved to be home to a half-furnished house. Sliding off the heavy scroll from both of her shoulders, Tenten kneeled down to the hardwood floor and closed her eyes. Gravity squished her until every muscle in her body relaxed. She laid on the floor, breathing shallowly. The last thing on her mind before she succumbed to her slumber was still the prospect of meeting Neji again. _If we don't talk soon, I'll forget the words I'll say to you._

* * *

The gossip all around Neji confirmed that she was back. It was good news indeed, except that she hadn't come to him after keeping him waiting for so long. Even Lee, the friend who abandoned all notions of their rivalry came to greet him in person despite being gone for so long. Neji was not one to hold a grudge against a friend, but he had come to conclude that he would no longer reach out and give his time where the other end won't do the same. _Does she know I've moved?_ Words surely did travel fast in Konoha. Neji was sure this wasn't a reason for why she wouldn't show up at his door.

Neji hinged on by the days in the past year with the prospect of meeting her in order to talk. In the beginning, it was all that he thought about. He even rehearsed what he'd say if she were to return home on that same day. But as the days turned into months and from months into an entire year plus some, plenty of those initial words had changed:

It began with a strong resolve to separate himself from the clan, one which was granted to him early on. By the end of that day, from his failed attempt to catch her before she flew out of the village, his uncle had bestowed him the key to his father's estate. Promptly, he collected every item belonging to him and slid from the cracks of the Hyuuga's massive compound into the night. Neji intended to follow his teacher's words closely. He swore to himself to find the will to live, a reason to keep him waking up in the morning. That reason was to talk with her. He should let her know as soon as possible that he had changed. Yet, she wouldn't return home.

Littered throughout the year, Neji was assigned errands around the village. And for a brief period, that was his reason: to help others where he could because he couldn't help himself. But when the days became routine and it seemed as though his life had stagnated, he dwindled back to his tiny shadow. It reminded him that a piece of him was out there somewhere traveling with her. Neji came to the conclusion that he missed her.

On a snowy night, where snowflakes casually floated down onto his lit veranda, Neji confessed that he missed his charm, his sun. The friend who seemingly left without a word became an entirely different person that night. She had become a figment of a lover, a shadow that extended his own by twice his size. That frigid night gave him a new reason to wake up the next morning. He now had a special person to confess his heart to. He prayed she'd return soon.

The heart grew and grew until it filled up all the empty spaces in his home. Daily, Neji would fiddle with her broken doorbell. He had thought about having it fixed but wondered if she'd allow that. His consideration for her spiraled through the rotating moons. Neji began to ponder if she had forgiven him in all the months that they've gone not seeing one another. He mulled if her anger towards him had subsided. " _Would she feel the same? Would she understand?"_ Uncertainty plagued his mind but optimism renewed with the days of tomorrow. Neji knew he was one day closer to meeting her.

His physical departure from the Hyuuga clan came with repercussions. After all, Neji could never truly escape the heavy implications of his surname. Elders from both branches sought to keep him under the eyes of the moon. Did they discover that his sun had been missing somewhere with his shadow?

His uncle's powerless position subjected him to scrutiny. A gardener was assigned to his estate once a week despite his disapproval. A housekeeper began to show up at his door along with the gardener. These people were of his branch family. Without his knowing, the higher echelons of his clan had begun to hold him to the standards of a main family member. It bothered him onto no end. And without his adherence, this aggravating feeling seeped into his heart, tainting his patience for her return.

Neji believed Tenten was deliberately taking on more assignments to avoid him. He believed that was why she wouldn't return home and wouldn't even write a letter to address her well-being. Lee made an effort to report on his duties daily until it diminished to by the month. Still, he was more considerate than the woman who left without a single word. The only way Neji would know if she was alive was through her accomplishments written by customers across the Lands. If she hated him this much to isolate herself from him for this long, Neji believed it would be impossible to speak with her.

The things he wanted to say to her had maximized at one point of the year and subsequently diminished heavily by the next. The decision of whether to omit his confession rolled in and out of his head until the day she returned.

Tenten had come home a bit late. His bitter feelings had run its course. It thrashed and threw him against his cage until his shadow became nothing more than a faint stain beneath his feet. There was barely a pulse of his passion for her. Even though he said he'd seek her out another day to talk, he no longer wished to speak.

The cool spring breeze tugged the candlelight as the night passed. The words he had been rehearsing were floating for the wood beams of his home to hear. The solitary dance of his leaping heart did not have its admirer to see it.

* * *

Tenten climbed out of bed feeling refreshed. For three entire days after returning home, she hadn't the chance to step out. She wanted to take care of herself before anyone else and it included her fully furnishing her home. And when she had settled down, feeling satisfied with her work, the sun still hung high above her.

She stepped outside to feel Konoha's weather. Truly, this was her place to live. The cold weather was melting into puddles for Spring and the mood in the air reflected it. Tenten counted four more days until the festivities would engulf the village. Until then, she wanted to catch up with her friends. But then came the thought of having to meet him as well. Tenten descended the stairs anyway. Seeing him would be a sad ending but her heart had already decided long ago that this was the only way. She would not waver just like he would not change.

Ino surprised her with a tight hug, expelling all the molecules in her lungs. While Tenten was gone, the blonde woman had grown beautifully. Soon, she was dragged across the village to collect Sakura and Temari. Tenten could feel her fingers light up in mischief around these girls. Her stern complexion softened and her cold guard shed away. Remnants of being on a mission for so long disappeared one by one. For once, she could say that she was content after the war.

Tenten paid no mind to Hinata's eyes which shallowly resembled much like her cousin's. The young woman still had many insecurities. However, these insecurities never made her gloomy. Tenten would have asked her why the woman's face was so dull but Temari beat her to it.

"It is nothing," Hinata attempted to force a smile.

That woman could never lie to blatantly, "I hope it really is nothing," Tenten replied. "But guys, I need a new doorbell! It broke and now it's missing."

"Is this some sort of bad omen for you?" Ino asked. Beside the blonde, Hinata stared at her with misplaced concern.

"How so?" Tenten inquired.

"I don't know, I thought it was," Ino said.

"Now that you mentioned it," Sakura broke through their mini huddle, "it breaking sort of means you're receiving bad omens right? People have been knocking on your door?" Tenten gasped. "Are you gonna die soon?" Sakura blurted it out facetiously.

Tenten smacked her arm and screeched, "I'll have you know my lifeline is quite long!" The pink-haired woman laughed and pulled them to the nearest home improvement store.

When the sun began to set and the skies started turning red, Hinata asked her if she knew where Neji now resided. Tenten looked around them. Ino, Temari, and Sakura were long gone. She snickered and rubbed her nose, "He lives with you, silly girl! Why? Did he move?"

He had moved. But all he did was move. So why was it bothering her endlessly? Tenten did not expect Neji to do anything of that sort. It was not like him to act rashly.

_Did things change?_

On the rooftop place of her home, she watched the twilight obscure the scenery into a black shadow. Dimly, she recalled his face. She was overcome with melancholy with the last image of him.

A chilly breeze turned her around to her door. The rampaging tides of their clashing oceans seemed to have made peace with one another but this overwhelming sadness would not subside. Poignant, Tenten gripped the bag of her goods tightly. Her eyes remained on her vanished doorbell piece. " _Are you gonna die soon?"_ Tenten tensed her jaw and busted through her door. Would she die talking to him? Now that their roles had reversed, if they spoke again, would she be the one to perish?

The sky glowed red with the sun disappearing. Tenten was reminded of their conversation prior to the war.

Tenten did not bother to fix the doorbell.

* * *

Beyond the walls of his home, the rising noise of preparations for the celebration echoed through his white paper windows. _It's today?_ He hadn't been counting such a pointless celebration. Neji removed Tenten's doorbell piece from the shelf after a shallow cough. He examined it with care. Even when he was mad with her, she was all that he thought of.

A familiar loud voice howled his name at the front of his gate. Neji activated his kekkei genkai only to find the child of prophecy fiddling with his gate. _Yesterday Lee came here. And now Naruto too?_ Neji steadied his pace toward the front of his gate. He collected dust clouds of dirt from his courtyard, eager to make the blonde boy regret attempting to break his gate apart. Neji kicked his gate open, knocking the whiskered man down.

"Have some respect, Naruto!" Neji stood over the blonde boy with arms crossed over his chest.

"It hurts!" the latter yelped.

"What are you here for?" Neji asked. He watched as the boy stood up and dusted himself off.

Naruto simply grinned, embodying the spirit of Konoha himself. "You couldn't be nicer? Anyways, the others and I decided to celebrate today until tomorrow! You gotta join us!"

Neji peered past his gate and found the boys of their squadron waiting for him to concur, "No thanks. I'm not interested."

"Neji," Lee's voice halted him from shutting his gate. "You usually don't mind these things."

"I'm minding them now, Lee," he replied dully. Ending it off like that would be too cold. Neji turned around and pulled his gate door closed, "I am unwell today," he excused himself.

"You're not well?!" Naruto yelled. He broke through the gate, hyperactive as he was and peeled the long-haired boy's cross-collared robe open, "Can you still feel pain? Should we head to the hospital? Sakura-chan can-"

"Get off me-" Neji tried to fight him off.

"Naruto-kun," Lee pulled the boy off, "let me handle this."

* * *

What Lee wanted was space to speak to him alone. And that he got but not with the eavesdropping ears of their comrades on the other side of the wall. Neji, his closest friend stood before him in a manner so reminiscent of the fate-preaching boy from long ago. The round-eyed boy could not understand what the prodigy was going through. He felt the instance of a friendship thinning the moment his black orbs met that of those white eyes. Except for this time, it was like staring into a blind person's translucent own.

Lee asked his teacher what he should do nights ago after he first visited his friend. He felt that his friend was deliberately losing himself and suffering alone. He wanted to help and carry the weight of his friend's problems by any means possible. However, it seemed as though their pace no longer went in rhythm. The struggles it took to mend and tend to this field of flowers suddenly overwhelmed their bond. In every aspect of their friendship, a budding flower was wilting and spreading its death. Lee asked his teacher why the heavens were intent on making the genius's world cave under. He asked why he was powerless to save a friend being swallowed into the darkness. His teacher said it was because his friend was a born prodigy.

A born prodigy would be born sophisticated. The pressure to impress and uphold worldly standards were bestowed to born prodigies. Before he could pick up a toy, before he could choose a favorite food, every cell within his body would be injected with the weight of the world. The subjects of what was morally correct or incorrect superseded the needs of a child. Born prodigies could not afford naivety in a world where disasters occur daily. His teacher said Neji may as well be an insoluble crypt. No one, not even himself could solve his sufferings. If it was meaning he sought to find, the only solution was his own perception of it. Like a frog in the well, its entire world was what it could only see.

" _But for Neji, he's trying hard to look outside that well. He requires patience and understanding. His heart and mind are now melded as one. Within him, I know there's a mountain of confusion he's trying to decipher. He cannot do it alone unless he chooses to ask for it. Don't worry, Lee. Neji is strong. You have to trust him."_

"However, Gai-sensei never finished his thoughts," Lee looked at his long-time friend with determination. "If your heart and mind is settled on one thing, it can only settle on the better. I won't see you becoming a shadow of your former self. I won't allow it. You are a good person and good people will never let their own darkness eat them up!"

From behind the wall, the sound of a gasp and a hush erupted.

"You always talk funny, Lee," Neji made light of his friend's dire confession. "Do you really think I am a good person?"

Lee's eyes grew glossy until the tears fell ungraciously. The years of friendship together, from two naive kids learning to work with one another and blossoming into understanding each other, such a question hurt him so much. This friend was a bond wishing to happen. And when it did, Lee believed their ties were forever. To question him if his friend was a good person, it was to assume there was a considerable amount of doubt. "Never once have I ever doubted you were a good person."

However, the sad smile on that friend's lips shook the earth bed of their field of flowers. The tendrils of blooming memories began to uproot. Lee was determined to keep their bond intact.

"Hey, that's a smile!" Lee wiped his tears away, purposefully misconstruing those somber lips as happy ones. He waved for his friend to accompany them on such a bright day, "C'mon, Neji! It won't be fun if we're not complete!"

Deceitful as that smile of his was, he replied "no". "I'm feeling unwell today, truly."

Did the world stop to lift this sophisticated prodigy off the ground to his friends? Lee believed it did. The born-genius had no choice but to dally for tonight.

"Just for one night, Neji. Let's believe the world is on your side."


	4. By the Weight of Her Words

It was as if she was a moving picture and he was the observer from behind the lines. Neji gazed at his comrade for once with a pair of lover's eyes. She now adorned a braid that adjourned her hair buns. In the time that separated them, she became more beautiful than he could ever engage himself to imagine.

The sky grew with shades of warmth. The trees stood and frazzled with golden colors. And gently, the wind blew his curls of hair across his face. Neji's heartstrings began to vibrate. The bow of a renewed violin ran through his instrument. All at once, the resentment that he harbored within the depths of his emotions began to scatter. She seemed so untroubled from where he spotted her. He liked her the most when she was carefree.

They would meet again. In a way, his friends would see true to that. But despite seeing her again, despite knowing she was doing well, Neji wondered if she'd be the same person he used to know. He had thought of scenarios like this, plenty filled with unlikely things because she was only in his head. But now that she was in the flesh, he truly wondered if she had changed. Did her anger subside? Did she still remember their prominent talks in the future? Had she thought of him in the slightest? For once, the peering eyes of a man in love did him no good. He decided that he wouldn't seek her out today.

That was until they reunited anyway. By means of his friends' eager attitude to celebrate tonight together, his sun had returned. Almost instantly, she interacted with him as if not a minute had disconnected them. This renewed his devotion to this kindling admiration for her. Neji stoked the ambers and slowly, the fuel to his fire began to swell. All notions of his initial doubt, of him believing it was her will that kept them apart were beginning to incinerate with the cultivation of this fire.

Neji believed she would explain herself for he would hear it from no one but her. However, he did not think it would be tonight. For if it was, it meant everything else had to come out as well. Their long-awaited conversation would easily erupt like the clash of their calm oceans. For now, he only wished to walk the straight path to her. Although it was a negligent path, one where even the foot would freeze in uncertainty, he could only walk to her. _Meaning. I've found meaning from everything else. A meaning to live. To wake up tomorrow with the will to live._

They began the celebratory evening walking in a bunch toward the masses that crowded the foot of the bridge. One by one, the Konoha 11 scattered due to the push and pull of an eager village. And somehow, Neji found her at the tail of migration.

She excitedly greeted him with that impeccable grin of hers. She beckoned him to join her as they overlooked the rowdy crowd. As they stood side by side with arms crossed across their chests, she whined.

Neji missed her signature complaints. She always voiced them out when her world was too quiet. Did she know that his' was silent as well?

Not a moment went by without him concealing all of his adoration for her. The words embellished in the deepest of his heart were ebbing from his lips. They move, mouthing minutely of the sappiest ways to confess. In that instance, it was not hard for him to forgive her for returning home so late.

Was she enjoying his company? Although he hadn't said much nor did much, was his presence enough? Neji couldn't tell. All that he knew was that despite spewing complaints, the corners of her lips continued curling upward. Even when her arms were crossed in guard, she was so open about her content. It was as if not a second was spared for anything but her enjoyment of the scenery displayed before her, before them. After all, this was a scene she fought for and left the village for so long for. A sea of brilliance swam in her eyes, collecting soft threads of light that only he could appreciate. Even if it wasn't because of him that she was gleaming in iridescence, he found that it didn't matter. _His_ meaning was beaming beside him. And because of that, his shadow grew.

A loud and unified roar smashed through the bleeding primrose sky. In shades of reds, oranges, blues, and purple, the village embarked on their journey to a new era of peace. Neji followed after his sun by one step behind. The joy and laughter, from the chit-chat and glowing life on the other end of the bridge, he wished his frozen feet would endure this uncertain path until he too crossed that bridge to experience a new peace with his charm, his sun.

However, Neji couldn't make it past the bridge. She had turned around and locked with his eyes, inherently locking his muscles in place. From just one yearnful glance in her orbs, he knew that time had caught up to them.

"Neji, can we stay behind and talk?"

* * *

Tenten leaned on the rails of the bridge and so did Neji. Silently, they listened to the flowing river below their feet. The course of time paused and Tenten's reality seeped into her skin: he had changed somewhat. In a way, he'd become even more distant than before. Or maybe it was because she hadn't seen him for so long that approaching him now felt different. Certainly, Tenten could tell that the course of their paths had diverged from one another. Still, enjoying their time together again was somewhat joyful.

"Your face is a bit puffy today," Tenten blew a puff of air out. The waning sun glistened in her eyes. She could feel his orbs on her.

Indeed, Neji stared at her with curiosity, "Is it?" His heart lightened, embellished with the first drops of blushes that patted his cheeks since ages ago. He reached his fingers to touch his face.

"Or did I remember you slimmer?" Tenten turned to him fully, leaning on one elbow against the bridge rail. Her rumbly heartbeat struggled to gain control of her breath. In her eyes, she hadn't seen such a meek expression from him before. He looked so naive and childish to her. Her heartbeat jumped.

His hand soon rested on the rail like the other. With her eyes on him, the pressure to constrain his spilling admiration for her caused him to look away. Back to the twilight of the sun, he gripped the rail slightly. "I haven't gained weight at all," he said light-heartedly, yet, sternly.

Even as he had severed their eye contact, hers still remained. Tenten watched as a lazy wind blew the fringes of his hair into mild disarray. She tried not to carry herself away in his beauty swaying her feelings, "You look healthy." Alas, they resumed their fixation on the sky exploding in Spring colors.

"Thank you."

A pause registered.

"And me?" Tenten asked herself. However, the question was open to him as well. "I'm-"

"You're taller now," he answered.

Tenten chuckled and tilted her head to him. The long days wanting to see him and fill the constant void in her heart ended today. And though she had had her fill of seeing him, the image of him basking in careless joy kept pulling her towards him. Her orbs wandered to his shoulder, hesitant to fully focus on his breathing chest as her smile kept its curve. "Oh yes! I used to be at your chin!" Cowardice to admit how much she wanted him to live prompted her to avert her eyes back to the horizon. But down her blackened orbs went to the running river below them. That smile of hers now hung on a thin string.

Now that she had become his meaning, there was not a thing she did that would escape his prowess. The lively atmosphere just a few feet from them could not reach them. Even her smile couldn't deceive him. She was crumbling but all he could infer was that the cause was not because of their physical growth. Neji swallowed dryly, unsure of where their conversation would lead to.

"You look healthy too," he responded after some time.

To see him speak and breathe, to see his spirit as light as a soaring cloud, Tenten wanted to eat all of her thoughts up.

"Of course," her smile fell after an uneasy laugh, "it's important to be healthy when you're living alone."

The solid words she had always wanted to say to him, that she had been practicing days and nights for him, Tenten wondered if it was already too late to keep them at her tongue. Her heart was so easily swayed with just this instance of speaking to him, could she hold her composure and speak from her mind? Or would her emotions take over?

"I heard you moved," she began far from her point.

"I have."

"Mm, the seasons come and go so quickly, I didn't even have the time to give you a housewarming gift," a remnant of her bright smile appeared for a short second.

Neji turned to her, one forearm still resting on the rail as the other was by his side. Her eyes were filled with melancholy. "Don't be trivial," he straightforwardly replied, "you know I don't care for such things."

"I suppose." Those half-lidded eyes conveyed more than just sorrow, he could tell. By the weight of her response, Neji's own heartbeat trembled. His consciousness was filled with anxiety. It was never like Tenten to solemnly utter words open-endedly. _It is as if she's not on my side anymore._

"Well-" Tenten opened her shoulder to him and looked directly into his eyes.

There was a false grin on her lips. Even her light-hearted tone was masked for he knew whatever came next would be like the unreachable jest on the other side of the bridge.

"-what should I do? I have so many trivial things to say to you. Should I throw them away?"

Her eyes glistened with a glint of glossiness through her tears welling. Neji always believed her tears were too meaningless because she had cried for the most insignificant things. But this time, even though a teardrop hadn't left her sockets, he discovered that these were tears beyond meaning. So difficult as it was for her to suppress them, whatever this trivial subject was, Neji concluded it must be worth her every effort to abate these tears of hers.

"It looks like you've been waiting to tell me about this, correct?" Neji asked her.

Tenten took a deep breath and nodded, "Every time, on nights where you'd cross my mind. I've rehearsed it to perfection."

Her muscles strangled her heartstrings, forbidding them from overtaking the threshold of her conscious will. Through the space between them, Tenten was intent on winning this battle with herself. As much as those onyx orbs unknowingly probed her to confess her foolish love to him, she bit through every inch of her crying heart to keep it from exposing herself to him.

"Then let's hear it," Neji braced himself. "I've some words I've been holding to tell you too."

It continued to be difficult to be optimistic about what she'd reveal to him. Just like her favorite choice for blades, Tenten was a double-edged sword. Neji could only read her so much.

Tenten smiled genuinely. The friend who once almost left this world thought about her from time to time with things to tell her too. Yet, time continued to pause. Even the sun gripped the horizon tightly to witness her speak.

Trembling as Tenten's fingers were, she clasped her hands together and noticed that the man she harbored feelings for noticed them too. Her shortness of breath kicked in and wouldn't let go of her lungs. Tenten eased in on opening her chest toward the tall man. Her eyes bounced between the tendrils of his hair framing his regal face. He then reciprocated shared attention.

"Neji," she found it difficult to say his name.

Silence ensued and stayed for longer than it was welcomed.

It was now a battle between whose hearts were the most earnest. Neji watched as her lips freeze midway. All confidence within himself rose as hers dwindled.

"I have something to tell you," Neji spoke before she could move her tongue. Tenten gazed into his orbs filled with intense hues of the sun. She took in a deep breath.

"Let me go first," Tenten demanded. Her eyes averted from his own for fear of caving to her weaknesses. She stared at his chest, recalling the bloodshed oozing out from his body. She could never forget how cold he already was when she arrived at his section of the battlefield. She did not want to see anything of that sort in her life ever again. With this conclusion, it was why she must make it as clear as possible of their bond.

"Neji," Tenten started off shakily, "I may not be smart, I'm the most ill-equipped in foresight than hindsight, but I think I can finally say for sure that this time, my choice is correct. Our time together as friends had stopped a long time ago."

The man raised a brow, making Tenten uneasy.

She gulped, "I've told you I thought it through and through and it is clear to me now. I don't want to stand by you or anyone anymore. I don't want to be an afterthought or anyone's shadow, especially not yours. I felt our paths diverge the moment you jumped in to save someone else's life. At that time, all I could see was myself walking toward an imminent future without a friend like you. I-"

"You've decided to proceed with your life without someone like me?" Neji asked her monotonously. If she still looked intensely into his eyes, could she see that he was hurt?

"Yes," Tenten replied. "I settled my mind right then that I'd continue to live my life regardless if my idol was alive or not. I decided I want to live for me, not for anyone else."

"Are you implying that this 'anyone else' is me?"

Why was it so difficult for the truth to come out? Neji watched with a grimace as Tenten spouted "yes".

"What does that tell me?" Neji probed her, "You mean to say that all this time, you've been living for me?"

Tenten glanced down, unsure of herself now, "It's not that simple."

"Make it clear to me, Tenten. Don't speak with half the words and let me decipher the rest," Neji told her sternly. His mind was igniting a million fireflies into the black skies. The dread that preceded him went away somewhat. Yet, the notion that the person to his meaning was going to remove herself from him still remained. He did not have the heart to accept half-boiled sentences.

"Remember what I told you before the war began?" Tenten closed her eyes, recalling a bitter memory. "I hated you at that time. I hated you because regardless of whatever I said, you didn't consider them at all. And I- I said them because I was tired of hurting myself. I was tired of keeping it all within me so much that I needed to let you know that you're setting yourself up to be in pain. I'm not too good expressing myself but I've done all I could to save you with that speech, if I may. And I'm not going to watch you descend to hell now that you're here."

Tenten's lower lip quivered just as the grip on her heartstrings ceased. She had frozen the instrument still and amassed frightening courage to open her eyes and meet his own gaze.

"I no longer want to live for anyone but myself. I don't want to save anyone but myself. Right now, I want to make a path for my future. And in order to do so, Neji, I'm going to have to walk my own path."

"And," Neji let the word trail off with the sound of rushing waters below them, "how are you going about that?" The spark in his fragile heart still lit itself aflame.

Tenten took in a gradual breath and turned away from him, eyes lingering on the traces of the scenery's silhouette.

"I'm going to treat everyone no more than a comrade," it was a feat she was still unsure of. "Be like I always am," Tenten relayed. There was no amount of words to relay her feelings clearly. A horrible lump had formed at her throat at the thought of severing their paths.

"What is the point of telling me this if nothing between us is going to change," Neji clarified his understanding. "If you'll be like you always are, then you won't change. Frankly, I won't either."

At his word, her eyes widened. Tenten could clearly hear her heartstrings being strung. She held the strings silent, "You don't understand, Neji."

"What am I not understanding?" Neji frowned in confusing pain.

"I'm saying," Tenten's breath shuddered as it escaped from her mouth. Her voice adopted a soft tone, one almost masked by the sound of ravaging waters below them.

One at a time, Tenten released the strings. Her lips quivered and her tears had lost themselves in between the battleground of her emotions. "I'm saying this to you because I like you," her instrument played no music.

Neji stared at Tenten's bowed head in disbelief. Although this was a beautiful news, it was caged in a field of wilting flowers. Neji held his composure with the cautious intake of his breath. His fingers pricked the rail hard before both hands rested beside him as fists.

"Liking you is not good for me. You see Neji, love is a horrible thing. It made me crazy and I lost sight of my purpose and dreams. That's why I said what I said before the war," Tenten's blurred vision regained focus at his obi. Confessing was not a part of her rehearsal.

She summoned the courage to meet his profound eyes once more; they were filled with strain. "From the moment our paths diverged, you became my comrade, a friend who I no longer harbored feelings for." Tenten's eyes scattered to the portrait in front of her, storing every inch of his particular features into the depths of her chest. "Do you understand me now?"

To him, it was as if there was no other sound but her breathing chest. Neji searched through her blackened orbs for any falter, any missteps but there were none. He already lost the battle before the flag waved.

In front of him, he couldn't grasp his memories of their time together from fading. Blown through the wind, carried by the coursing river, all hopes of living with meaning were ripped from his hands.

"I shouldn't have let you go first," Neji lowly murmured to her. She blinked with a lost expression. "Even though I had a feeling it would come to this, I could've stopped you but I didn't." Neji's brows knitted and his jaw tightened. "Do you still want to hear what I have to say?"

Tenten stared at him with determined eyes; they were filled with a film of glossy tears. She gave him a short nod.

Neji let out his breath and all at once, his eyes became watery enough that her expression changed. Still, his jaw moved so little. His mouth was stiff as ever as if speaking hurt his lips so much. He closed the small distance between them with a secure step. At a foot away from molding their bodies together, he tilted his head down to her. The tears that welled from his eyes hung for dear life.

"When we met at your door on that night, I wanted to tell you something completely different," Neji fished out her doorbell from his sleeve but had yet to reveal it to her.

It was now Tenten's turn to cautiously take in her breaths. Despite saying she had lost all her love for him, she couldn't help but feel her knees crumbling.

"And through the time you left the village, I began to miss your company. If I had gone first and told you I liked you, would you still steer yourself from my side?" Neji watched her unwavering eyes say her answer before her lips did.

"Yes." Tenten pressed her lips thinly. Her heart was shaking, wishing to break free, and yet, she wouldn't give in.

A single teardrop fell onto her cheek. It was heavy, filled with heavy implications. It traveled a long distance down.

Now, Tenten experienced the vacuum of immovable sound. She could not hear a thing except for the sounds that he made. And when he caressed her cheek with his palm, when his thumb brushed away his fallen tear, she stood frozen like a statue. Such an endearing gesture, Tenten did not want to do anything but feel his touch.

"It seems I've miscalculated. I cannot read you," Neji leaned further in closer to her face at a snail's pace. He was unconvinced. Gently, like holding a tiny feather, he caressed her skin. Unhurried, Neji leaned down, taking in the tiniest of her features for the frozen years to come. Even when their noses touched, he felt no kindling from her orbs. The inches turned to centimeters but not once did he feel her buckle and push away. Neji couldn't help but tear up at her lifeless eyes staring back at him. The moment his lips touched hers, he could no longer feel her warmth. He could only taste the cold.

But for Tenten, she was overwhelmed with the taste of his sadness.

Who shot down his sun?

A once in a lifetime confession of his truest feelings, it was not reciprocated. Neji thought a kiss would be sensual and fleeting. He thought his body would light up and there would be nothing on his mind but her taste. However, as long as that chaste peck was, there was no swaying her resolve.

The sun hit the twilight and down it took his own shining light.

Dryly, as if the wind of both their oceans had sliced their battle in half, Neji parted from her. He could only stare at her, fully poignant, and understanding of where she stood. His palm finally left the face of his one-sided love. Neji removed himself from her and proceeded not to give a second of his attention to her perturbed demeanor. Shielded by an ice cage, Neji silenced the instrument of his heart. He pulled out her doorbell and she instinctively gave her palm out.

"In the end, the past will always flow by. I, too, will conduct myself accordingly as your comrade. And when winter comes, perhaps I can escape from this sadness."

All the strength it took to confess so bravely opened up a path for his intended words to be heard. Neji gazed into those unmoving orbs, gleeful that she hadn't pushed him away.

"You were once my sun, fighting off all my sorrows. Now, I will slip into the ocean of my memories searching for your face," Breathing deep breaths to calm his volcanic heart, he placed the doorbell into her palm.

Tenten's jaw tensed and her nostrils flared with heat at the sight of her doorbell. It had been fixed after all.

"I believed it would be a bad omen for you and so I took it with me, hoping good fortune would only come to you. In a way, I was right, good things went your way and the rest came all to me."

Tenten snapped her head to Neji, witnessing the final destruction of her stubborn will to have things her way. Although the boy whom she shared affection spoke with a cold expression, she knew he was drowning in his words. And at the same time, he was dragging her down with him.

"Now I return it to you with good intentions."

Tenten felt the full blast of jesty tunes blare into her eardrums. Time had unpaused and the sun had already sunk below the horizon. Tenten watched Neji walk away from her back to where they formerly stood. Again, a warm and lazy draft blew through her body. She tilted her head up to see the moonlight belting soft lights down to him. Tenten gripped her doorbell moderately and bit her lower lip.

"In the end, the past will always flow by," she recalled his words just as the feel of his kiss burned a heavy mark on her lips. She turned away from him and took in a slow deep breath. She crossed the bridge and joined the celebration.

He never fully crossed it that evening.


	5. That Friend

Oh how ironic Tenten felt the situation was. She cracked a hard eye open to find herself in midday. Her head throbbed to no end. The alcohol in her system refused to leave. She had gotten sick to her stomach overnight.

Tenten growled, pushing herself up from her bed. With her head heavy, the world felt laid on its side. She pressed her feet onto the ground and the world shook. It rumbled every cell in her body. Had it been too long since her reunion with alcohol?

Recalling yesterday night made her core ready to engulf itself. Because of their bitter kiss, Tenten found herself drowning in saké. It was not that she couldn't bear running back to him, feeling unsure of her own words that she said to him. No, it was not a woeful incident requiring saké. It was because Sakura's keen emerald eyes saw their indecent kiss.

"Congratulations," she said, "but why is Neji-san leaving? Is he coming back?"

_No,_ Tenten uttered the word a tad too late, too many alcohol bottles too late.

Balancing on her own two legs, Tenten wobbled to her bathroom door. The ground rumbled again. She feared the foundations of her building would fall. Still hungover from yesterday, she shook the concern away. Tenten opened the door in preparation for the last few hours of the day.

It was dinner that Tenten prepared. The echoes of pots and pans clinking made her wake from yesterday night's drunk behavior. The sun still sat high in the sky but it had past noon. Dinner would soon be consumed. Again, the vibrations of the ground electrified her home. It was then that it piqued her interest. Tenten parted the curtains and looked out the window. She squinted with the sunrays and found the perpetrators of this noise. It resided beyond the horizon outside of the village gates. A dirt cloud had amassed higher than the village walls. Tenten dashed to her bedroom and opened her balcony doors. Her eyes veered to the Hokage compound down to the passersby below. They moved along without hindrances. She looked to the dirt clouds beyond her reach. With a troubled inhale, she retreated back to her apartment. She moved along without hindrances.

* * *

"I don't want to kill you," Lee huffed out, attempting to catch his breath. Staring back at him was his comrade, that friend. "I won't fight you like this."

"Like what?" the other man heaved. He stared with hard cold eyes. "You think I'm delusional."

"No."

Lee watched as that friend smirked. The man's eyes narrowed and he spoke, "This fight had been long overdue, Lee. You'll never get another chance to destroy me like you always wanted."

"I've never wanted to destroy you-"

That friend lunged at Lee with impeccable speed. Lee evaded in a blur and perched himself upon a tree branch, "Neji-"

A wave of air aimed for Lee's head, "Are we not rivals? Have I become too weak to not even be considered your rival?"

Dawn approached when that friend first pulled Lee to the training grounds. It stemmed from regret as he relayed. The young man hadn't spent enough time with Lee. And if he were to die in the war, it would be a death filled with too much hatred for himself. It was a reason why he sought Lee on the training field.

But as their aspirations have changed, so too did the reason for inviting Lee change. Their friendly spar took a turn when that friend recalled his unfateful evening the day prior. Those anger thought to have dissipated with the night reemerged in great intensity. He instigated their rivalry fight without warning.

Moving the mountains, crossing plains by the second, dust followed after them. The outskirts of Konoha began to be rearranged with every swing and every counter.

Lee's fists and kicks grew with ominous green heat. His friend no longer communicated with him. Those white eyes grew harsh on him. That friend's attacks no longer yielded his own life. It no longer yielded Lee's either. Lee concentrated on that friend's constant barrage. The man who moved with grace in every fighting stance ran toward him jaggedly.

Just one whirl of Lee's kick pummeled a line of trees gone from its roots for miles on end. Still, that friend moved a speed Lee hadn't witnessed before. It was as if that man was desperate for something Lee couldn't decipher.

That friend blew a gaping hole through the mountain beside them. Lee grappled him. If the only way to make this friend give up was to break his bones, Lee would snap them with no hesitation. Deep inside, Lee knew there was something eating his friend away.

That friend's physical chakra blew himself from Lee's grasp. His sixth gate lost its intensity. It wavered for a split second and Lee hit the hard ground. The earth cracked enormously.

"Get up," that friend demanded. "You did not hit me hard enough."

A single bloody trail escaped from the corner of that friend's mouth a while ago. A single bloody trail did not reveal many details about the traumas Lee had done to his friend's internal body.

Lee could not see it, but Neji knew the extent of his injuries piled far more than his friend, "You look afraid."

Lee stared at his friend who looked back with lifeless eyes. He got to his knees and pushed himself up to his feet. A bruised knot sat at the end of his brow. It obscured a part of his vision. Lee chuckled, "I am. For me, who thinks you might just kill me so that you'd stop. And for you, because this isn't the friend who is my rival." Lee held his side and gasped for air. His gates began to close one by one. "I wondered why you wanted to train with me this morning. It crossed my mind why you didn't scout Tenten," he smiled, "Gai-sensei said that there are many hurdles to jump over through life. Neji, this is one of them. You may take your anger and frustration out on me but not for this reason. I want you to fight me because it is me that is on your mind. Right now, you are not my rival."

The veins that grew beside each cheek retracted. Lee stood too far from that friend to see his slightest expression. As each breath was exhaled by Konoha's Green Beast, the muteness between them elongated. A dusty hush from the wind weaved through them. The tendrils that had glued themselves to Lee's face began to detach themselves one by one. With not another word conveyed, that friend turned his back to him and walked sourly from the carnage of their battle. Lee watched those shoulders hang low. Still, that friend carried himself with dignity. That friend knew he had lost.

Lee yelled out to him, "Gai-sensei misses you! Please visit him!"

* * *

Neji did not heed Hokage's advice to visit the hospital. Returning home, he carried all repercussions of the damages they both made to the landscape. He claimed responsibility for subsidizing reparations to any buildings within the walls that may have suffered disturbances to its foundation.

"Perhaps, this will keep me distracted for a while," Neji thought. However, he knew it was a fruitless endeavor. All that was in his mind was only his struggles. His shadow had been severed. Everyone around him cheered him to find a meaning to live for. But living was so hard to do.

The sun had descended down Earth and night readily approached. Neji sat in his bath. The water stilled, not even a ripple was in sight. His eyes lingered dully on the rim of the bath. They never moved.

A peal of sharp laughter escaped his mouth. There was a smirk on his lips. The water rippled before it returned to the calm sea. Neji did not recall being a troublemaker in his life until now. It was ironic that he was one now and he laughed because of how absurd it felt to him. The genius caused significant trouble. Truly, he must feel guilty. But no, Neji merely brushed it off his shoulder.

As the water began to cool, he arose in a lame manner. Water droplets ran down his bruises and scars. Seeing himself in the mirror, he hated himself. A battle-torn rag doll was what's left of him. How could anyone play with the idea of loving him? Not even the woman closest to him wanted anything to do with him.

Neji sat in the seclusion of his father's dojo as night capered around him. The single candle within the room allowed such dance to occur.

He tried meditating his woes away. His mind was far from Tenten. His teacher's words sprinkled in his mind; he no longer had a reason to live for. He could not live for himself. There was no more reason to wake up again. And yet, he sat in silence through the slow passing night.

A series of knocks pounded at his gate, disrupting his teetering meditation. Neji activated his bloodline; his sight rushed to find the person at the foot of his compound. That person was his uncle.

Sitting formally across one another in his father's tiny welcome room, Neji lowered his gaze. "I cannot offer you anything tonight," Neji relayed to his uncle.

"No need for that. Coming here at this hour is already improper," Hiashi aided. He paused, drawing a complete image of his nephew's surroundings. His eyes barely moved, "Every corner of this house is shrouded in darkness."

His nephew said nothing.

Hiashi inferred that he shouldn't incite such small talk. The muscles in his back tensed and he closed his eyes, "The elders are growing impatient with your noncompliance to compete for my position. Hanabi has no intention to take over."

"I will not be privy to the council that branded me," Neji responded. "Even now, I am a puppet to you. You will place me on the throne and use me as a shield to change the Hyuuga's ways as you wish. As noble as the name is, I am ashamed to be a Hyuuga. I don't wish to struggle with clan politics. Your coming here at this hour has already impeded the freedom I seek. If you've no other matters to discuss, I don't wish to hear it."

Hiashi swallowed his pride and chose to pardon the young man's impertinence. "Your actions today showed me how much you've inherited the byakugan."

"I reckon the Hokage had reached you."

"Afterwards, yes," Hiashi maintained, "But my curiosity found your battle with your comrade marvelous. Nonetheless, you are still a part of the Hyuuga Clan. Your responsibilities extend to me as well."

Neji's eyes flickered to his uncle, "You shouldn't help someone who wants nothing to do with you."

"This old man may not know what you're going through, but his heart and mind intend to help you."

"Uncle-"

"You've done more than you should have in saving my daughter. I can only repay you with-"

"You don't need to pay me anything!" Neji raised his voice, "I don't need to be compensated for anything. If you could just forget about me, that would be enough."

Hiashi stared at his nephew with worrisome eyes. A glint lit in his pearly orbs and a smile almost graced his lips, "Perhaps I could convince the council to give in to that comrade of yours."

Neji glared at Hiashi with ill intent. His hands fisted at his knees upon mentioning his comrade.

"She is a strong shinobi. I'm sure she will not impinge your title-"

Neji would no longer entertain his uncle. He stood to his feet in haste and stared down to the older man, "My relationships have nothing to do with you nor the clan. And to think you'd even fancy the idea that we'd be together, _if_ she wanted us to be together," Neji walked to the door and stood beside it, "It is late, please see yourself out."

Hiashi watched as his nephew politely asked him to depart.

"It does not concern you who I marry. No matter which background this person may be from, I do not look towards you nor the clan for approval before I make my choice. Please leave."

Hiashi stood up calmly and exited the welcome room. A gush of nostalgia rushed to him as his observations connected two points. He turned to his nephew with a somber smile, "I don't recall visiting your father and you even once when the sun was younger. But now I see that I am filled with regret wishing I could have treated you both better."

Neji averted his gaze and opted to stare intensely at the wooden beam.

Hiashi looked at his nephew's troubled expression and dropped what's left of his smile, "I will find a way to lift your burden. Your father trusted me to do so in the brief moment we met during the war."

Neji's eyes hardened at the mention of his father. His orbs grew glossy and clouds shrouded his mind. He could not watch his uncle depart until after the gate closed behind him. It was only then that he completely collapsed to his knees. "How could you not come and see me?" Neji whispered to himself, "Are you too embarrassed of your son that you wouldn't visit me?"

They said winter nights were the longest but this summer night was stretching on for too long.

Neji couldn't bother to spread his futon. He leaned by the wall of the welcome room deadpanned. His eyes stared out to the opened door. He focused on nothing.

"I'm not greedy, I only need one person to love me," Neji murmured. Breathing became hard to do. He had to think about each breath and exhale conscientiously.

Thinking of her made him lose track of time. He truly wondered about her sacrifices made for him. Had she not been there, would he be somewhere else? And if she didn't aid him everywhere he asked, would she still be his shadow?

Neji could hardly recall their kiss. It was so dull; it felt like an unimportant dream. Should he hate this woman? She confessed her feelings and shut them both down all at once. Could he hate her?

"But I can't hate you," his voice trailed off, "because then I won't have anyone I like."

Although he had friends, the feel of being alone was too overwhelming. They spoke of grandiose dreams as if it was reachable. But to him, what he truly wanted was just one thing: purpose. And yet, in this world, he felt purposeless, unbefitting in any place that he stepped into. Perhaps he had lived past his dues. But even if he had, there was not a single person here who wanted to understand him.

_No one wants to see my heart. No one._

* * *

The more the sun rose, the hotter it got. Neji ambled across the village before it peaked at noon. Per Lee's request, he intended to visit his teacher today.

But as his feet moved along the spotty dirt path, they strayed. His mind had become preoccupied with notions of her. He wondered if she was in as much pain as he was. Although it was unfitting of her to feel such ways for she was content with having him be dead. However, he was curious. And despite making excuses as to why he was walking around her neighborhood, he wanted to see her.

It was not as if he was keeping an eye out for her. Although he certainly was watching for a head with a pair of twinned buns. Neji did not expect his eyes to gravitate toward her so quickly. But as if it was muscle memory, his eyes captured her twin buns and spotted her out of the teeming morning market. His heart skipped a beat and he had to ask himself how much longer would it take to see her without such a reaction. Swallowing his strumming heart, he walked in her direction.

Neji battled himself whether he should ignore her and keep walking or greet her as any comrade would. The nearer he got, the more his mind settled for the former.

All that she was doing was going about her morning groceries. Neji inferred she probably had no idea he was within her sight. She looked as if she was in her own mind. There was not a sense of her keen ears perking for danger.

His feet confirmed on walking past her just as he was just a couple meters from her back. He could pretend he did not see her. He could act as if today never happened. He could act as if it was merely coincidental if she chose to turn around at this exact moment which she did not And yet, the world intended for her to feel his presence.

"Neji!"

That voice belonged to the blonde boy, a man whom he harbored no hard feelings for. Neji turned to the direction of the man.

The woman who seemingly crouched to pick onions snapped her head towards the voice. She slowly straightened up, seeing the back of the young man who kissed her two days ago.

"Naruto," Neji greeted the bright young boy.

"Where were you during the festival? We were looking everywhere for you!" Naruto hopped to him in a beat, "So, I guess you and Tenten are together, eh? She was so drunk that night, we were wondering where you were so you'd take her home…"

Neji slowly turned his attention back to the woman behind him. When their eyes met, he knew she'd heard their little conversation. However, there was little for him to hide from. She had spotted him already. Walking away would be informal. After all, they were comrades, were they not?

Although she did not look to be hungover, she sure did look a bit sick. She watched him with her round orbs. It was as if she was delighted to see him.

_Why must you look at me like that?_

"... I mean everyone and pretty much everyone heard it," Naruto blabbered on, "At first I thought- nah, you and Tenten?! But then I asked Tenten and she wouldn't say a thing! Drunk! You should've taken her home, my back was sore all night because of her. How could a dating man not bring his girlfriend home-"

"No," Neji uttered softly. He kept his eyes on her own as her grin demolished to a small smile.

Naruto tilted his head in confusion, "No? No, what?"

"We-" Neji gave in to her settlement, "-we're not dating." He won their staring competition, albeit bitterly.

Her lips pressed thinly and she quickly averted her gaze.

Neji took it upon himself to escape the two of them. Being sandwiched between an idiot and a woman who he must treat as if his love no longer lingered was torturing him.

Neji began to walk past her, severing their eye contact from his side, "Why should I take her home? She'd never drink past consciousness."

Naruto chased after him, "But you kissed her?"

"How do you know that?"

"Because Sakura saw and told us?" Naruto pranced around the genius, "What do you mean you two aren't dating? Is this supposed to be some secret relationship?"  
"Neji," Tenten called out to him.

Her voice echoed in his head as he walked a couple more steps. It was then that he firmly closed his eyes, jaws unclenched, and turned around. Pretending to be comrades was harder than before their confession.

Tenten ambled to him, fishing through her bag for something.

"Tenten?" Naruto exhaled. "What is going on?"

She looked up with a plastic smile and replied to Naruto, "What's so special about a kiss? It was just a kiss, a goodbye kiss."

Neji searched for anything else to focus on. Being petty over a kiss was unruly for someone like him.

"Goodbye kiss?" Naruto questioned. "How- what?"

"We're not dating, Naruto," Tenten assured him. "We don't like each other." She stopped in front of Neji just an arm's length away and handed a punnet of strawberries out to him, "They're not too sweet this season. I managed to grab two."

Neji's eyes gradually lifted from her strawberries to her orbs. Those dark orbs that wouldn't leave him left him helpless. For a split second, he pondered whether he should tell her or not. He did not want to hurt her, "I liked them because you liked them," he declared.

"Oh," Tenten uncomfortably murmured, her eyes fell in embarrassment.

"I still like you," Neji affirmed. Tenten's eyes darted to meet his own. She was breathless and her heart felt shaken.

"I still like you very much. But don't speak for me. Bear with me, I'm still learning to let you go. I'll try to be the comrade you need, that friend you can count on." He pushed the punnet of strawberries towards Naruto, careful not to touch her hand, "Don't offer me any more things. These gestures may be harmless to you, but I cannot accept them. It will be harder to accept your rejection-"

Naruto gasps hard.

Neji closed his eyes, finding the blonde boy annoying, "-It'll be harder to be just your comrade." His fingers fell off the punnet and were swallowed by his sleeve, "Thank you for the strawberries."

Tenten's eyes lingered on the strawberries as he disappeared into the crowding market street. A deep melancholy attached itself to the fruit. She wanted to return the strawberries.

"Tenten, did I just hear that you rejected Neji?!" Naruto howled.

"Yeah," she replied dryly.

Naruto watched as the woman stomped away from him in a haste. He is speechless.

* * *

"I'm sorry, I didn't know that," Naruto fell in line with Neji's pace.

"What do you want?" Neji asked him.

Naruto sulked, "It feels rather odd to be going to your clan's compound when you don't live there anymore. But, I haven't seen Hinata-chan for a while. I was wondering if-"

Neji turned sharply to him, halting his trek to his teacher's place. Something bitter sat at his tongue, "-If I could go and fetch my cousin for you?" he asked rhetorically.

Naruto was taken aback. But lacking general awareness for such a tone, he replied, "Well, yeah."

Neji glared at the blonde boy tiredly, "I believe my intentions were quite obvious when I moved out of the compound."

"What do you mean?"

"You are still the idiot from before," Neji's glare softened. He turned around and continued moving forward."

"Wait, what is that supposed to mean?" Naruto chased after him, "As a matter of fact, I've gotten smarter-"

Neji smirked, "It doesn't matter whether you're smart or not, Naruto. After all, you're God's incarnation. You'll be guided to glory either way."

Naruto fell off with the older man's pace. The sorrowful expression on his face made his shoulders droop, "I'm just a person."

"Then don't bend me to do your bidding," Neji said aloud, "go ask for my cousin yourself."

_Fate has commanded me enough._

Naruto looked at him grow smaller the farther he got. However, the man's shadow was smaller than his own.

The year that passed felt more hollow than the year before. Naruto hadn't seen the long-haired man as much as before. It was as if his courage diminished whenever he laid his eyes upon those white eyes.

He ran to Neji and slung an arm over the taller man's neck. The cowardice slowly became buried as his facade entered the light. Naruto chuckled loudly, "Let's hang at Ichiraku's tonight! I'll convince others to come!"

Neji leaned away from Naruto's face inching closer to him. He shook the man's arm off and displayed uncertainty in his answer.

"You skipped out on the festival, you have to come this time," Naruto rubbed his wrist, a wide grin still stamped on his lips. "The guys gotta know who won the fight. Personally, I think you won."

Neji glanced at Naruto, his pace never faltered. He giggled, "Sure."

* * *

Neji felt dread sitting at the pit of his stomach whenever he visited his teacher.

The thing is, with his teacher, words felt hollow.

Promises were made to be broken with his teacher. Perhaps Neji hadn't opened himself enough for his teacher to help. As a Hyuuga, his pride came first. And perhaps, his teacher saw him as a Hyuuga before a student. It may be why treading on thin waters was so difficult to do so. Uttering the Hyuuga clan kept the both of them on their toes.

Neji idled around his teacher's home, taking a glimpse at the photos on the man's walls. Those memories of their first meeting began to rekindle. Meanwhile, his teacher was boiling a teapot as a courtesy to a guest.

The shadows in the room were dark. Only one window curtain was parted. Despite the brightness of the day, it could not save his teacher's home from looking so bleak.

Neji stopped in front of the parted windows. Looking out to the quiet neighborhood from which the older man had decided to reside, Neji felt uneasy. His teacher's home was dreary just like his own home. Save for the fact that his teacher's home was not as vast as his own, the rest was the exact same. The peering loneliness was always around the corner. This room that Neji stood on felt barren despite having been furnished completely. _Ah,_ it was the silence that plagued both their homes. The same eerie silence that echoed in his teacher's home was here to stay.

"How about some chamomile tea?" his teacher's voice broke through the silence.

Neji turned around, offering a nod before walking to the couch. He lent a hand to the man's occupied hands who held a crutch and the tray.

"I'm still very capable, 'ole pupil," his teacher followed after with a mild hearty laugh.

"I don't doubt it, sensei," Neji continued to help guide the tray down to the wood coffee table until it laid flat with a low clack. It was only then that he lowered himself down to settle on the couch opposite of his teacher.

Gai plopped down on the couch with a massive sigh. He rested his crutch beside him before reaching for his cup of tea. He sipped it as did his student who mimicked him, "I'm rarely ever home these days. Only you could catch me lazing around."

Neji kept his eyes on his teacher's countenance. Behind that satisfied smile, there was much to unload. His teacher looked tired. His eyes were darker than usual. Even his skin hung from its bone, giving his teacher a haggard impression.

"I suppose I am the only one who can see you looking like this," Neji replied. He set the cup down and placed his hands on his knees.

"The other two might think I'm gravely ill for having no enthusiasm."

Neji said nothing. His eyes laid on his teacher's lowered ones.

A pint of sadness lingered around them.

Gai blew out an uneasy sigh and pressed his lips thinly, "Ease your back. You no longer live at the compound. It's okay to loosen up even if it's acting."

Neji snickered. He did not relax, though.

"Thank you for checking up on this old man," Gai conveyed.

"Lee told me to visit you from time to time."

"No wonder," Gai chuckled before sharply inhaling. His left hand rubbed his knee anxiously. "You only ever visit when you need things sorted out."

Neji bowed his head in shame, "I only ever put you in distress."

Gai smiled meekly.

"I seek your guidance but never follow them. I'm sorry."

"No, you're right to come to me. As your teacher, I'm here to help you," Gai's voice trailed off.

The melancholy within the room pervaded and a long silence ensued.

" _As your teacher, I'm here to help you."_

Gai's smile fell off the earth. He couldn't even count the number of times he said that to his student. Glancing to his student, he saw the eyes of an adult suffering the detriment that was the aftermath of facing death. Gai felt a lump at his throat. His student was only a boy, why must he bear the same eyes as his own teacher?

In points such as these, Gai felt utterly helpless. If he were to look back to his student's genin days, he would see that all of his "help" did not amount to anything. His student was struggling to fight his own fate and he could do nothing. The compromises and promises they've made from then were always broken.

" _You promised never to let the Head Family thing get you riled up."_

His power was limited. The curse mark was a part of his student and yet, he believed that the best way to power through it was to act as if it was not there. Gai realized it now that it did them both no good to act. Because he was unable to relieve his student's worries, he chose to ignore it with one promise.

The youth in front of him looked like a shell of himself. He resembled this old fool. It pained Gai to witness a reflection of himself peering back at him.

"I heard you and Lee destroyed mountains yesterday," Gai began shakily, offsetting his wilting emotions.

Neji did not speak. He was not ready to speak.

Gai let out a breath of astonishment, "I wondered when you'd get serious and showcase your growth. It's a shame I couldn't see it."

"It was merely a blemish," Neji responded humbly.

Gai gazed at his student's unwillingness to meet his eyes. He reached for the teacup and raised it to his mouth, "It seems you brought the distress here, but you won't say it," he sipped the warmed tea, "what is bothering you?"

Neji's nails dug to his knees. He almost caved in to relaxation before retaining the modest posture ingrained in his spine.

"I have to know what it is to offer whatever wisdom I have, Neji," Gai set the cup down without a sound. The tired eyes of his pupil reflected his own. Gai straightened up.

Neji took in a breath and parted his lips slightly but closed them as he exhaled. His eyes searched for a reasonable thing to say.

"Shouldn't you be delighted?" Gai asked him.

"Why?" Neji asked despondently.

Gai grinned and chuckled from his heart, "Word does spread quickly, doesn't it? I had an inkling that my two pupils have found solace in one another-"

Neji's brows furrowed. He gulped, "I think the world is punishing me right now."

"What?"

"I think the world is punishing me right now," Neji repeated. His eyes jittered, uncertain as to where to look to, "she rejected me. She could have told everyone we're not dating. But she didn't say anything. It's as if she's punishing me, making me accept how much she does not want me every time I tell people I've been rejected." Neji felt breathless. His lips quivered. "I shouldn't have lived. Every single pair of eyes that lay upon me are filled with pity. I don't want to be pitied. When I look back, I just want to be understood. I want to be accepted with warm hands from the people I trust my life with. Why, why is living so difficult, sensei? Is dying and living again supposed to feel so burdensome?"

"Neji-"

"I wake up in the blink of an eye and feel as though I'm in another body. That the person I am right now isn't myself. It's as if everyone keeps getting farther away the more I simply look. I'm tired of trying to act like the person I was before. As far as I feel, I've already died. Why did I get to live again?"

Gai forced himself from whimpering. Indeed, the student whom he had a hard time to bond with was in the same agony he was in now. His voice shook, unable to gain the confidence to even confront himself, "I understand that feeling, Neji. The feeling that your sacrifice was not great enough and so you must live in order to prove your worth later in life. I know it hurts right now. I know it's gnawing at both of us and its difficult to shake off, but you have to get along with it. You have to accept it, you cannot hate yourself for feeling this way."

Neji closed his eyes tightly, unwilling to tear up. His hands soon turned to fists.

Gai watched with painful tears as his nostrils flared.

"Relax, Neji," Gai advised, "don't keep everything pent up. You are only a human and it is only me here. Let go of yourself and cry. The world wasn't listening to your needs, it won't hear your cries now. Let out your sorrow and recover. Don't pretend to be strong when it is only us. Your shoulders cannot carry all this weight. Let it out," Gai comforted him, "cry. I won't listen unless you want me to."

One by one, the walls crumble. Neji brought his head to his knees and wept in his lap. With the gentle comfort of his teacher's supportive hand on his shoulder, Neji grieved for himself.

Unbeknownst to them, a boyish man with a knot above his eye leaned away from the wall with the window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not done with chapter 5 yet! Therefore, there may be a delay tomorrow.


	6. The Wintering Birds

The sun felt at its hottest at two in the afternoon.

Tenten took refuge under the thick shade of the trees surrounding their team's training ground. She watched as Lee performed his ritual energy de-escalation. She leaned against the trump of the tree, watching her comrade run from the tree stumps to the nearby river and back. She closed her eyes as the man leaped into the water. She envied him for having such stamina.

There was no cool breeze to dry her sweat to salt. Tenten finally opted to lay her back on the warm grass. Her head still throbbed as she was still recovering from whatever flu she acquired.

_How much longer until his searing lips fade from mine?_

Tenten cursed his boldness on that night.

She steered her thoughts elsewhere.

_How much further until I'm good enough?_

Hand to hand combat was never her strongest specialty. And to train with Lee again, it felt as if she had fallen behind on sharpening her skills.

A soaked pair of shoes approached her and she gave it a moment to register that it was her comrade.

"Are you sleeping?"

"No," Tenten sighed, "thinking."

Lee stood by her side just outside the reach of the shade and scrutinized her, "About what?"

"About that big knot on your forehead," Tenten opened her eyes to see sun rays bleeding through the leaves. "Even when you could only fully see through one eye, I couldn't even land a hit."

Lee placed his hands on his hips and frowned, "Are you analyzing our spar?"

"Absolutely," Tenten responded rather flatly. "Should we have another go at it?"

"All I did was perform the basic taijutsu Gai-sensei taught us," Lee shook his head, disapproving of her suggestion.

"No way."

"It looks to me like your mind is not one-hundred percent here."

Tenten abruptly sat up, "Yes it is!" she denied. "I just haven't sparred with you in a whole year!"

"Or is it that you're more comfortable with Neji's taijutsu?" Lee pressed.

Tenten mildly held her breath. She couldn't rebut faster.

Lee stared at his comrade poignantly. He breathed uneasily, preparing himself and encouraging himself to speak from his heart.

"It's just that-" Tenten began, "we've trained a lot. It's normal to be used to someone's-" _presence_ , "-fighting style," Tenten's voice fell in disappointment. "I just have to train with you more-"

"Why didn't you tell everyone that you two weren't dating?"

"Huh?"

Lee pressed his lips thinly in anger, "How could you only tell me but not everyone else? Not even Gai-sensei?"

Tenten raised a brow at him and got to her feet, "Only you should know."

"Why?"

"Because you're my closest friend. And because I don't care what anyone thinks. Rumors will spread anyways. All rumors are the same," Tenten's heartbeat began to quicken. "Why are you talking about this? Follow me, we're sparring again."

Tenten brushed past him. Lee turned to her; his eyes were critical, "I thought you understood Neji the most," he followed after her, "how could you use that to your advantage? You're his comrade-"

"Use?!" Tenten snapped at Lee. "How in the hell did I use him?"

Lee fumed with hot blood. His mind recalled the fragile appearance of his friend weeping to his teacher. He was unable to calm his whirring heart, "You knew he was walking the wrong path directly towards his fate and when he realized his mistakes," he bit his lower lip, "when he needed you for comfort, you rejected him like that?!"

"So I'm just supposed to comfort him?!" Tears already fell from her eyes. Tenten was hurt. She couldn't control her cries any longer. "I'm only his comfort?! What about me?! When has anyone asked if I wanted to be comforted?! When I told him his path will get him killed, he decided to get himself killed anyway! I knew it and I couldn't do anything! You couldn't do anything! How could you accuse me of using him?! You're supposed to be on my side!-"

Lee was in despair. His eyes grew in shades of red.

"-Killing himself like that is a death sentence to me! He didn't care if what I said meant anything to him! He didn't care that I cared for him!" Tenten could barely breathe. Under a breathing spell, she wailed uncontrollably, wiping her tears away. More fell down her cheeks. She never thought she'd reveal this hidden side of herself to him. "He couldn't care then. And so I wanted to do the same. I wanted to be selfish for myself. I want to be stronger without him! I can't rely on someone who only thought of himself!"

"But," Lee whispered, "he waited an entire year to confess to you."

Tenten shook her head in dismay, "I don't care." Streams fell from her eyes and dropped to the ground. "It was harder for me to confess to him."

"Neji," Lee's lips quivered, "wanted to apologize. How did it turn out this way?"

"I guess the circumstances finally leaned in my favor," Tenten swallowed her tears. She wiped her tears and glared at Lee. "If we're not sparring anymore, I'm leaving." Tenten headed towards the dirt path.

"You're so stubborn," Lee watched as she stopped and turned to him, "if the world took him away, would you still act this way?"

Tenten felt insulted. Her jaw clenched and she stared at Lee with rage. Not another word was spoken. She fled off.

* * *

It was Autumn. Neji's grandfather passed away in his sleep.

As the funeral wake proceeded, Neji thought about tonight's raw weather. The piercing cold could be felt through his attire. It reminded him of his father's wake. Though Neji could not recall the details of that snowy night, he remembered it being unbearably cold, too cold for a child. And now, as a grown man in seiza behind his cousins, Neji still found it hard to endure. The coming of this frigid weather was unkind to him.

His grandfather's death could have been meaningful to him, but Neji would rather spend these hours pondering on other pressing matters. His grandfather was a key figure in keeping him caged. And though Neji had no resentment for the dead, he did not want to be fazed by this passing.

Nearing death twice already, he would be fine if anyone acted the way he did if he was gone.

Looking around the temple, as he could be the only one to let his gaze wander, Neji settled his eyes upon his cousin Hanabi. Since his departure a year ago, his cousin had begun to appear like his uncle. Her shoulders were square and her gaze only looked forward. Never once did she falter nor shed a tear. Contrary to her sister, her expression was controlled and as stoic as his own. It was as if he was staring at his own reflection. The thought chased him away and his eyes peered to the ground. His mind freely left the confines of this temple.

Sprinkles turned to hard rain after the burial. Neji did not wish to stay for long. However, his uncle kept him under his roof.

Under the shadow of his uncle's private quarters, Neji sat in silence beside his uncle. They watched the rainfall from the veranda, mindful enough to not get too close to the rain spatter. It wasn't long until Hiashi spoke.

"How are the arrangements at your home?" he asked.

"It is fine," Neji replied, "however, I would fare much better without the maintenance servants assigned to me."

Hiashi rested his eyes, fully shutting his senses to only listen to the rain's pitter-patter. He paused a great deal.

"Is insulation good enough?" Hiashi asked him.

Neji lifted his chin slightly, his orbs breaking from its dull stare, "Yes. There is nothing to worry about."

"And your recovery?" Hiashi lifted his eyelids.

"I've fully recovered a long time ago, Lord Hiashi."

"Ah," Hiashi sighed, "since my last seeing you, there was so much life in your eyes. I am concerned now because you always look to be in deep contemplation."

Neji's ears perked; he swallowed his nervousness away, "I apologize for causing you anxiety."

"Just mere speculation. I am happy to know that your home has received you well over this past year, but complaining about the maintenance servants won't make me remove them, Neji. Until you marry, your home is still under my control."

"I fully understood whose ownership the house belongs to, uncle."

"When will you marry though?" Hiashi asked him. "You are of marriageable age and a prominent figure of our clan. I'm sure there must be a woman whom you fancy, someone to honor your prestige."

Neji snickered, suppressing a growing grin from his uncle's prose, "There have been plenty, but none to my liking."

"Are your standards a bit too high?"

The younger man shook his head, "I just want someone with the same understanding as mine."

Hiashi gave out laughter, much to Neji's surprise. "There is no such being who'd understand you as fully as yourself, my nephew. But I commend you, I was once like you. However, arranged marriage couldn't be broken, could it? But I shouldn't speak of this, your aunt might just take me to hell before I witness our children's weddings, including yours of course."

Neji chuckled along with his uncle until it seemed as if the sun would appear. It had been a while since the atmosphere between them was this light. But when the laughter ceased and the sky dimmed back to its dark tone, their expressions resumed its neutrality.

"Neji," Hiashi firmly said.

"Yes, uncle."

"With your grandfather's passing, it is clear to me that your generation will really bring about peace. Us old fools must forgo instilling tradition in order to bring about change," Hiashi turned to look at Neji, "Hanabi is willing to be my successor. I thought you might be delighted to hear that."

A small smile crept to Neji's lips, "I am relieved. Hanabi quite resembles you. I have faith that she can lead the clan into a better light."

"I am glad to hear that."

Neji nodded and they both panned to the gloomy atmosphere.

For a sufficient amount of time, Hiashi let the silence ensue. It had been a while since they've shared such light-hearted conversations. And when rain fell lighter than before, when it almost became mist itself, Hiashi took in a hidden breath and gulped.

"I take it you must be busy at home? Lord Hokage was in need of our clan's ability to survey and map areas for expansion, surely he must have called upon you as well?"

Neji lowered his head and merely closed his eyes, a simper grew on his lips before it faded out, "My days as of recently are filled with leisure."

"I see."

"Lord Hokage did reach out to me for a different matter, though."

"May I ask what it was for?"

"He requested that I enter the academy as an instructor. However, I've yet to make my decision."

Hiashi panicked, stiffening his spine upon such an inquiry from the Hokage, "May I be inclined to suggest a proposition for you, Neji."

Neji tilted his head to Hiashi and gave a nod. He listened intently.

"As you know, Hanabi is far too naive to overtake my title. There are still many things she needs to learn and I believe your skills and method of training can benefit my daughter. I want her to lead our clan with the prospect of good change. And with that, she'll need more than my help to achieve it. If you agree to supervise her, I'll ask for nothing more of you."

Astonished as Neji was, he could only keep a composed countenance. He turned away before deciding to end this conversation of theirs. Neji stood up and bowed to his uncle, "Please give me time to consider your proposition, uncle. It is getting late, I must get going before the rain picks up again."

"Ah, right. See yourself out."

Hiashi swallowed with a dry throat. He watched his nephew leave his private quarters.

Mud stains from the pitter-patter of the rain tainted the feet of Neji's kimono as he entered his gated home. He stared at his courtyard in displeasure. It had never been more apparent of his dislike for Autumn. The fallen leaves of wilting trees melted onto his path, blanketing his courtyard and garden with an array of red and golden colors. It expressed the disarray within himself.

With one deep breath, Neji walked on the roofed stone path to his veranda. He climbed onto his veranda and shut the umbrella.

_This place would never truly be mine. The woman whom I gave all my meaning to would never set foot here._

It was a reality Neji found difficult to accept. But with each day refraining from all notions of her, he was almost ready to return back to himself. He would be able to become that friend for her. But as much as he hoped it would lean to his favor, Autumn was unkind to the man.

Neji entered his room and stood stiffly in the dark room. He stared at the white envelope on his drawer and despair gnawed the pit of his heart. One by one, he undid his sash and slid off his article until what was left was his white undergarment kimono. His eyes never once strayed from the white envelope given to him a week ago.

He would have to see her again.

He wondered if she was happier now.

* * *

Autumn ushered in quickly for Tenten. In the blink of an eye, cold wind had already begun plucking leaves from its trees. The seasons moved so fast, she felt as if she wasn't in tune with time at all. Picking a golden leaf from the foot of her stairs, Tenten brought it to her eye. There was a hole blown through its fragility. She looked through it, wondering why this season was so cruel to it. To her.

Truly, after the celebration a couple of months ago, peace began to settle in. It cradled itself into her village and disturbed her routine. It rendered her useless, moping around in places she would never be if there was use for her. Missions dwindled to none in these months. Reparations finished one by one. But most importantly, the stir of "togetherness" made itself at home.

Wherever Tenten looked, a family was getting started. Love was sprouting like Spring's miracles in Fall. Her friends had begun to settle on the thought of love. The seriousness of it, they've committed to it all.

But looking from outside the window, of a woman who was once in love and still in love, Tenten couldn't admire it.

To do so meant acknowledging how she had hurt them both. She understood that love was not a thing to be played, that which she had done. As genuine as her love for him was, as much as her feelings retained, they've already begun to part ways.

Tenten watched her Autumn days closely. As it came closer to passing, she noticed that his words were brutal, " _Bear with me, I'm still learning to let you go. I'll try to be the comrade you need."_ Tenten couldn't meet with him if she tried. In trying to become the comrade he believed she needed him to be, he simply disappeared. It hurt her the most for him to be unreachable. It reminded her of how much she wanted him to be dead. It reminded her of how selfish she was. She couldn't even bear to look at her hideous self.

Because he purposefully left, it left her with the guilt she couldn't shake off. Tenten knew this was her doing and she understood that what he was doing was for her and for himself. To be as they were before, although quite unlikely, he was going to try. And by being gone for a season too long, Tenten noticed the fallacies of her resolve.

She missed him. If not due to the romantic feelings for him that wouldn't leave her, then due to his presence as friends. Before the war, her days were spent mostly in his presence. So, if not by love, then by the familiarity of him. Beside her, he was her wings. Now that he won't appear before her, she couldn't fly.

When missing him, she'd tire herself through training. The lonely walk to their field kept her mind running in circles. Every familiar place she once knew felt odd now that he was missing. Training alone couldn't make herself better.

Tenten knew it all too well that she was selfish. She wanted him after spoiling everything. If she demanded him, if she ran to his place, Tenten believed she wouldn't even be able to say the words.

When Autumn nights resembled Winter, Tenten wondered if lovebirds were warm. She wondered if the thought of a significant other would keep the frigid nights warm. She wondered how great love must be in this weather. She wondered if he was sleeping through these nights thinking of these things.

In raising the golden leaf to her eye and peering through it, Tenten spotted Lee heading to her, a bundle of white envelopes were clutched in his hand. She lowered the leaf but hadn't the thought of setting it free.

"What the heck are you doing out here in your PJs?!" Lee greeted her with a wide grin.

It dawned on her of her errand. Tenten let out a breath and regained her consciousness, "I— was taking out the trash."

Lee halted from a yard away and raised a brow, "And you decided to just leave your trash in the way of the stairs? Are you okay?" he patted her head.

Tenten stared at his attire, taking in his scarf and thick coat before the piercing cold struck through her skin. She gasped minutely, wondering how much time had passed since her standing there at the foot of her apartment.

"You look frozen," Lee commented, "should we go inside?"

"No," she hastily interjected.

"Are you sick?" Lee asked.

Tenten shook her head, "No, I was just distracted," her eyes finally concentrated on Lee's own.

"I could tell."

"Well, what are you here this early for?" Tenten smiled, taking in a chill breath.

Upon asking, Lee gleefully handed her one white envelope. As she looked onward into his orbs, there were a million stars swimming in iridescence.

"It's getting pretty hectic these days, so, sorry if I haven't visited you enough. But, I'm getting married soon. Please come to my wedding."

"Ah, so you were quite serious," Tenten took the envelope from his hand. She broke their eye contact and looked at the little invitation with a broken smile.

"It feels weird to be the first one out of all of us to get married, but that means my wedding can be as humble as it wants. I can't imagine us all trying to outdo each other along the road, you know?" Lee chortled blissfully and managed to earn a few chuckles from Tenten.

She agreed with him, "I will see you on this date then. Congratulations, Lee."

On this day, she wished it was forbidden to love.

* * *

Neji did not question why Lee set his wedding date in Winter. Right now, he needed a break away from his clan. Supervising his cousin was more complicated than he believed it to be.

His friend's wedding was quite rambunctious. It suited him and his wife seemed to love him for that. The woman was beautiful and their love was so simple. Neji wished his' would have turned out this way as well. However, wishful thinking wouldn't get him anywhere. The woman who derailed this love was here. And though Neji would like to neglect his attention to her, he couldn't help but be pulled toward her.

She looked feeble, perhaps as fragile as the glass in her hand. Her attire reflected that of her mood. She was happy to partake in this wedding, but her mind was far from this place.

Neji knew she was cautious of him, her eyes would always be on him whenever he glanced her way. She was struggling. But did she know that he was too? If it were not for her harsh words, he would have crumbled right then and there. He would have let his facade fall like the snow outside this venue and ask to start again.

The night was wearing away. His friend's wedding was coming to a close only to be held on by the thread of the guest's brotherly love for karaoke. In this cacophony, Neji made his mind to approach this timid guest resting two tables from him. She rubbed her ankles, her heels were off and her brows indicated pain.

A grimace graced her countenance just as he made his presence known. Neji wondered if she could walk home tonight.

Her eyes laid on objects on their table as they spoke. She could never raise her eyes to meet his own, making their conversation short and uncomfortable.

As Neji gazed, from her forehead to her chin, he wondered why this woman was acting so distant to him. The last of their words exchanged proved her to be uncompromising and strict with their resolve. Now, before him, she had become a shell of her former self. Only a thin layer of her dignity shielded her emotions from him. It was at this moment of contemplation that he understood they were the same: hiding the truth of their feelings.

Neji wondered what she truly felt. He baited time to see if she'd reveal it to him.

This conversation prolonged for as long as it could until the lights shut off. The night ended. The sun would soon rise behind a canvas of gray clouds in the next minute. She never revealed herself to him. Neji ambled home through the snow. With an umbrella over his head, he firmly concluded on their love. There was no more to do to test this flower that wouldn't bloom.

_Do we really have to stop here? Have we past the point of no return? Could we never recover? I'm afraid we'll never meet again. But if we ever do, if that life permits us to, I'll just endure the pain and dare not to love you again._

* * *

Tenten remembered Lee's wedding like a fever dream. It was haunting even after weeks had passed.

Staring out her balcony doors as a blizzard whirred through, Tenten couldn't help but feel hopeless in telling him the words she had prepared. His presence at Lee's wedding was expected, but him being there turned her into a mouse. She was afraid to even greet him.

In a muted attire, a traditional kimono, he beamed in her eyes. Without a suit to conform with his friends, he stood out to her. But perhaps it was because she was cautious of their distance that he drew himself closer to her.

From a few glances, shy and shaky ones, Tenten wondered if Neji knew she was stealing glances of him. But whether he knew or not, they eventually met again.

Snow collected on her balcony. Tenten pressed her forehead to the cold glass. Remembering him flared her face. Recalling their conversation made her embarrassed. She wished she could redo that entire night.

Never once did Tenten see him smile. The more they talked, the more she realized he was serious in letting her go. And because she initially wanted this, she couldn't tell him her words. He appeared stiff; words said without faltering. It was then that she understood they were the same, rehearsing their words to perfection. He performed his lines to the beat and left her speechless. She could only play as the character he believed her to be.

On the night of Lee's wedding, Tenten learned that he was chasing greater things. His heart and mind belonged to his clan. He had taken on a role integral to changing his clan.

Tenten stared at snow collecting on her window. She understood that she could not be a part of him any longer.

The world did not take him away. And with time separating them, she felt as though the world was taking her instead. Tenten could not breathe. She did not know how to undo all of her wrongdoings. She madly wanted him. But like a fool, she couldn't apologize.

_Right now, if I were to stand right in front of you, if I could have the courage, I would tell you those words that I prepared each night for you. My lips, my hands, I know they won't listen when that time comes. My head will go blank and you'd leave without a smile. I wish you could smile, I want you to be happy. I wish I could make you smile._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! I pondered a lot about different scenarios and even thought about solving this relationship with this chapter. But I realize that it wouldn't give any meaning as to why Neji and Tenten's separation happened in the first place. So bear with me for this chapter! I'm working on the next one and will have it written concisely for you!


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